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sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.


George Washington, President of the United States posted:

In order to secure the preservation of Government, I hereby announce these United States’ neutrality in your internal strife.



Monsieur Ambassador, perhaps you should check on the position of your government again.

A RICH WHITE MAN
Jul 30, 2010

See them other chickenheads? They don't never leave the coop.


Rincewind posted:

As for the other legislation currently before the Assembly, I also oppose the Reinforce the City Guard Act. Despite my opposition to the specific turns of the Defend the Boarders Act, I of course recognize the critical role the military plays in the defense of the Realm— and therefore cannot accept depriving it of funds and war matériel to empower a band of Jacobin thugs.

While we object to your denigration of the Revolutionary Guard--a legal organization, empowered by the Assembly to safeguard our revolution--as 'Jacobin thugs', we have responded to your concerns regarding the lowering of the army budget. We hope you will reconsider your vote.

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.




If the Reinforce the City Guard Act no longer takes money from the armies in this time of peril, we are much more inclined to look favorably upon it.

Stalingrad
Feb 5, 2011




Jacques Roux, speaking from the Paris Commune:

I call for a Referendum on the future of the Haitian people, the Haitian people, both black and white, should be allowed to vote on the matter of the transition of Haiti to a province of a France.

The Referendum in my mind will have 2 options, Independence, and Incorporation, the vote will be both in writing and using pictorial explanations for those who are illiterate.

I hope the Jacobins, and my Enragés colleagues will support this proposal, as well as the Honourable Toussaint Loverture.

I will respect any result, but I believe the Men and Women (who also must be allowed to vote) must be allowed the right to choose.

The Royalists are what caused the abuse of the Haitians in the first place, the Republicans are the ally of the Black people of Haiti.

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.


Tao Jones posted:



The United States of America holds that the so-called "Breton Rebellion" is (if it is a rebellion at all) a matter which has yet to be decided by law, while it is unambiguous that the Haitian slave revolt is a great crime which no moral nation could let go unpunished. Toussaint Loverture himself is a great criminal, and terms such have been announced, with Napoleon 'answering' to the whims of a rebellious Negro, should be seen by any man with sense to not be a peace treaty or a return to the 'status quo ante', but instead as a military surrender.

Should the Assembly endorse and ratify these articles of surrender to the mob of slaves, the United States of America may have to re-evaluate our partnership with France.



Man you weren't complaining about the French military when we saved your ass from the Brits ten years ago. I sailed my ass around the world so you could pay less taxes, and now you come in here trying to throw your weight around because you've got a racist hair up your ass? Fuck off back to you homeboy Jefferson, and ask him what he remembers about fighting next to Frenchmen so that he could call himself a free man, oh wait, he couldn't answer that question, because he ran like a coward back to his plantation so he could write a bunch of words about how all men are equal except the ones he's personally enslaved.

Friar John
Aug 3, 2007

Saint Francis be my speed! how oft to-night
Have my old feet stumbled at graves!

Georges Cadoudal

Concerning Lafayette posted:

...Monsieur Lafayette lives on another world, removed from such earthly concerns as "truth" and "prudence," for that is the only way I can understand his latest babble. At last count, the men who have fled to our Majesty's brother number less than One and a half thousands, compared to the over 40 thousands of the National Guard now stationed in Paris. Does Lafayette have so little faith in his men that he thinks they will flee at the first sight of blood? Does he think the comte so utterly stupid as to seek such a useless death, after having sworn before God and all men not to be the aggressor? And with all this, he thinks Paris at-risk? If Paris is in danger, it is from the armed mob, given the fig leaf of authority by the assembly for their riots, thieveries, and outrages, or even worse by the Cambions! Let us not forget that the Satan worshiper and his minions were under Lafayette's nose, committing untold atrocities, and the man did nothing! Worse, he has now camped across the border with Brittany, a region which has done nothing, preparing himself to slaughter and rape across the Duchy. He is no man of peace, but a tyrant and a blood-crazed fool. Guardsmen, do not bring war upon those who have not harmed you, who instead have their hands open in friendship to you and your families! Take up conflict against those in the assembly, who seek everywhere to make enemies of friends, sniffing for blood like a hungry pack of wolves! Vive le Roi!

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.




Also jesus christ St. Just you little weasel, you were supporting the goddamn independence of Haiti like two months ago and now that it's the king doing it you'd rather deny an entire race of people their freedom than, quelle horreur, see His Majesty do literally anything. Suck it up and go look in a mirror, and remember what the Jacobins really stand for.

And before you people think about taking money out of peasants' mouths or whatever to form the Guard of the Revolution or the Revolutionary Guard or the National Independence Guardians or the Fuck You Flotilla or whatever the shit you people splinter into next, consider funding the god damn Navy, which, uh, stands between you and the British trying to burn your house down.

a bad enough dude
Jun 30, 2007

APPARENTLY NOT A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO STICK TO ONE THING AT A TIME WHETHER ITS PBPS OR A SHITTY BROWSER GAME THAT I BEG MONEY FOR AND RIPPED FROM TROPICO. ALSO I LET RETARDED UKRANIANS THAT CAN'T PROGRAM AND HAVE 2000 HOURS IN GARRY'S MOD RUN MY SHIT.



Marquis de Lafayette, Commander of the National Guard

Various forces work to tear France apart without the consent of its people. I call on the Assembly to pass a new law, in defense of its nation. That no region or colony of France may secede from the central authority of the Legislative Assembly without the consent of ALL the people of France through a Popular Plebiscite of all with enfranchisement! This Secession Act is vital.

Tao Jones
Jun 15, 2007

That's a very courageous post, Minister!


tatankatonk posted:

219x250


Man you weren't complaining about the French military when we saved your ass from the Brits ten years ago. I sailed my ass around the world so you could pay less taxes, and now you come in here trying to throw your weight around because you've got a racist hair up your ass? Fuck off back to you homeboy Jefferson, and ask him what he remembers about fighting next to Frenchmen so that he could call himself a free man, oh wait, he couldn't answer that question, because he ran like a coward back to his plantation so he could write a bunch of words about how all men are equal except the ones he's personally enslaved.



The forces of France displayed themselves magnificently in my nation's struggle against the British, no one is disputing that. Now, elements of those same forces that once were a midwife for my Republic are apparently intending to surrender themselves to a mob of slaves armed with little more than a few guns and reinforced by a single cannon. If I am complaining about the French military, Admiral, I am complaining that it seems to have lost the fighting spirit and skill which it so lately displayed in aiding the cause of America.

Toussaint Loverture claims that the infamous massacres at St. Marc and Le Cap were committed by rogue elements of his army, slaves that could not control their base desires for violence and bloodshed. Should your government ratify the surrender, who is to say that the same will not happen to those men who put themselves into Toussaint's "care"? Toussaint himself? History attests to how empty his promises of safety can be.

Your ideals are blinding you to the harsh realities of war and politics, Admiral. If I, one of France's greatest friends in the world, view the proposed course of action as a show of weakness, what do you suppose your nation's enemies will think of it?

AndItsAllGone
Oct 8, 2003



196x250

Alexis Le Veneur de Tillières, commandant l'Armée du Rhin

I must at this most delicate moment must avoid the appearance of taking sides in matters of statecraft. Yet it occurs to me that, should these seizures of self-determination continue to wrack the foundations of our fair France, the very blood of our grand nation shall be sucked dry from its veins! I can only sigh with a heavy heart as I gaze upon a map showing my beloved land--shall this be the extent of France's greatness? Shall regions be lopped off as though France--France, the center of world culture and art--were nothing more than a pig at the slaughter? My hands tremble at the thought!

Still, I must step aside and let the politicians do their work. I have nothing but the highest, most unshakable confidence that a united France shall endure, therefore I have no need to support nor oppose the Secession Act--besides, such is not my place.

Ramba Ral
Feb 18, 2009

"The basis of the Juche Idea is that man is the master of all things and the decisive factor in everything."
- Kim Il-Sung




quote:

Excerpts of the Report by the Prussian ambassador on the French situation

Sehr geehrter Herr von Horst,

Blessed be unser Durchlaucht Frederick William II. I am happy to report that I have settled in as the official ambassador of Prussia to France.


. . . The situation has been deteriorating in France with a person by the name of De Sade doing stuff that I daren't put into print. Last I heard, he was heading to Brittany which is a powder keg duchy and I fear Lafayette is the loose cannon that will set it off. Despite the people of Brittany being loyal subjects to the King, it appears the radicals are demanding that they submit to them instead. This has led to a stand off at the border with Lafayette's men outnumbering the Breton defenders. Meanwhile, the Assembly has been demanding to burn all diplomatic bridges they made to the rest of Europe by declaring them their enemies with their Defend the Borders Act. All it would do is isolate France further and ruin any diplomatic attempts they had gained.


Mit freundlichen Empfehlungen,
Friedrich-Wilhelm von Franco

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.




sniper4625 posted:

To clarify the position of the Assembly, I will propose the Defend the Borders Act: our army is directed to fortify the borders of France and prepare to defend France.

To those who accuse this act of being a provocative one: where anywhere does it say that the army is directed to take offensive action? We have a pretender to the throne actively raising an army to invade France. Isn't a it good idea to try to defend against his forces and any allies he may raise? This seems like a rather simple question to me. Where do the detractors of this act propose we raise our defenses, Paris itself?

Enjoy
Apr 18, 2009




Minister of War von Bachmann

I am placing day to day operations of the Swiss Guard into the capable hands of Brigadier von Altishofen, a God-fearing son of Helvetia whose watchword is discipline. His family have been very prominent in the Pontifical Swiss Guard and I'm sure he will do his duty to the King.

No changes to the organisation of the army will take place for the next 3 months as I will be implementing the plan Marshal Luckner developed, including his creation of cottage industries for the production of war matériel (which, it gladdens me to report, includes extraction of sulphur from the Earth with which to manufacture gunpowder. What a useful substance! Destroying the enemies of God both corporeal and spiritual - yellow is truly the colour of divinity!)
I believe that, rather than constant changes to the command and training regimen, it is essential to establish some sort of continuity so that discipline can be established. If I have the honour of retaining this office in the future I may try to improve the state of our logistics.

The orders currently in effect in the name of the War Ministry are summarised as follows:-
-The protection of the French-Breton border by elements of the Army of the North from any and all who would breach the King's peace.
-The arrest of the criminal de Sade by the Army of the North (why the National Guard refused to undertake this simple mission escapes me - presumably Lafayette is loathe to turn against his "erstwhile" Jacobin friend)
-The cessation of combat in Haiti

God save the King!

Friar John
Aug 3, 2007

Saint Francis be my speed! how oft to-night
Have my old feet stumbled at graves!

Georges Cadoudal

A reply to the Lawyers of Champagne posted:

...Perhaps Monsieur Robespierre should listen to the good ambassador of the King of Prussia, as that good man hands the Monsieur the truth! His act would do more to harm the Kingdom's diplomatic position than any court faux-pas could ever hope to achieve! He and his allies seek the blood of Europe so they may slake their thirst! "The Incorruptible" who so strongly spoke for the satanist de Sade seeks the sacrifice of the men of Europe for his own devilish plans! He ignores the oath the good Louis made, on the Gospels themselves, that the royal prince has abjured aggression, and seeks to provoke war for his own designs! War, hellish war, war that will burn the farms, desolate the people, that he claims to speak for! This provocation, is it not the very sign of the work of Satan, who seeks the ruin and damnation of all men? I know that not all men agree with me, who think the assembly is a true continuation with the history of the kingdom, and I count some of them as my friends, but I know no man outside of the assembly who sees war as something lightly to be undertaken, to be taunted like a chained bear by dogs! Peoples of France, do not be the aggressor! Do not let the blood of men, the tears of orphans and widows, stain your soul in front of the seat of Judgment! Deny the aggressors, and flock to the King, peacemaker! Vive le Roi!

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.




A speech to the Parisians posted:

How can a fort attack? How can defensive works lead to bloodshed?

*A listener bursts out with a loud "JE NE SAIS PAS!"

Nor I, citoyen, nor I. With regards to the notion that the Kings of Europe have given their safeguard of our Republic, I trust not the honeyed words of Absolute Monarchs, for they are fickle and easily changed. The only true diplomatic message that can be trusted is one from a representative body, for through them speak the people of the nations. We must defend our borders, our nation, our liberties! Vive la France Unité!

*Cheers, Appluase, Whistles.

Gorgo Primus
Mar 29, 2009

We shall forge the most progressive republic ever known to man!


sniper4625 posted:

In case it was not apparent, the forces of Monarchist Europe lurk on our doorstep, gaining power for an attack. Our armies are needed on our borders, not on the other side of the country. Even if the Devil De Sade invades Brittany, it just means two rebels for Lafayette to crush.

To clarify the position of the Assembly, I will propose the Defend the Borders Act: our army is directed to fortify the borders of France and prepare to defend France.


Steward Charles Armand Tuffin, marquis de la Rouerie
Steward of the Throne of the Elective Duchy of Breizh/Brittany for Duke Luis II

Open Musing of an Open Mind: On ‘French Unity’ posted:

It is quite odd, don't you think, to see the offerings in the camp of 'French Unity'. The vile daemon Sade calls for France to finish what it started under his and Robespierre's mantle and will. Robespierre, as always, backs Sade completely and utterly. They both hunger for Breton blood, both live for excess and death, and both pat each other on the back for their cruel deeds. For these two men the only 'Unity' of import is unity of action and thought. These men truly are one side to the same coin; I do not consider slight variations on a theme to warrant a second, you see.

Meanwhile those loyal to our Duke and their King follow the call for unity of truth. They know that the Bretons are not French, and that the French are not Bretons. But they also know that we are united in our monarch and united in our praise of Liberty, if nothing else. Liberty is a precious thing, but differs from nation to nation, man to man. What is the greatest Liberty to one is sometimes considered tyranny to another; in these cases it is generally best for each nation to have its own Liberty, and thus the Bretons have forged their own path towards such ends. Thus comes the next Unity these loyal men hold - unity of understanding. Men like Charles Hector, comte d'Estaing - without hesitation - call upon the armies of France to defend the Independent Elective Duchy of Brittany from rape and slaughter because of this understanding. This man knows that what the radicals of Paris did to us was wrong, are doing to us is wrong, and wish to do to us is wrong. This man seems to know that the way forward is to respect our independence and accept our calls for understanding and alliance. This man I thank for his show of what Franco-Breton Unity can do when it is not marred by Great Parisian Chauvinism and RobesSadist hatred.

The King has called for peace and understanding. Unity in Monarchy and understanding is amongst the greatest of unities possible amongst different peoples. I too have called for peace and understanding, since the beginning of our independence. Together France and Brittany can do great things, apart; if you let them. I thus choose the Unity (wherein Brittany and France look after one another) offered by Charles Hector, comte d'Estaing and our Duke Luis II, over the ‘French Unity’ of death and oppression demanded by Sade and his lapdog Robespierre.

We shall not forget that for the fourth time Robespierre has backed Sade fully in an attempt to exterminate the Breton nation, nor shall we forget or forgive those who stand idly by and continue to work with the man as an 'equal'.

Signed,
Steward Charles Armand Tuffin of the Sovereign Independent Elective Duchy of Brittany, in Personal Union with the Kingdom of France under Luis II/Luis XVI


Letter to the Government of France posted:

Kingdom of the French,

The Independent Elective Duchy of Brittany most strongly protests your attempt to enact laws which would retroactively null our Independence -as if such a thing were possible. We would also like to note that any legislation passed against us will be taken as a grave violation of our sovereignty and could do immeasurable harm to this government's efforts to ensure peaceful relations with that of France.

Furthermore the suggestion of some of your ministers that the entirety of France should have been asked if the Bretons wanted to be independent, in order to ascertain their wishes, is ludicrous. With such a notion all of Monarchical Europe should have been asked if it wanted to allow for a Republic in France before France left their ranks and politically separated itself from the rest of the continent. If, rather, the idea behind such moves is not to ascertain the wishes of the people and instead somehow produce 'extra' qualifiers on what it takes to have a Right to self-determination, then Brittany can only demand you rip up your constitution and Declarations of Rights - for you clearly meant nothing by them and thus they serve no purpose.

You may not legislate away the will of the Breton nation to be free, nor can you legislate away their Right to act on that will.

PS: We are still awaiting your government's reply to our first letter to Paris dealing with the future of our relations, legal and otherwise. We do not appreciate your tardiness or silence in our dealings, and wish you would rectify this error/mistake as soon as possible.

Sovereignly,
Steward Charles Armand Tuffin of the Sovereign Independent Elective Duchy of Brittany, in Personal Union with the Kingdom of France under Luis II/Luis XVI

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.




I will be brief, for the hour is late:

First, I reject, renounce, denounce, and in all other ways abjure de Sade. My earlier endorsements and recommendations were made without knowledge of is true nature, and I now join every good and honest man in calling for his capture. The recent attempts by the monarchists to paint us with the same brush betrays their moral bankruptcy.

Second, I wish not for the death of anyone - my statement merely means that were de Sade to attack Brittany, then he would easily be put down by the National Guard expeditionary force.

Third, d'Esting is no longer Minister of the Army.

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010


Saint-Just



Citizens! There are those among you who would make distinctions based on old particularism and habits to deny men rights. "Oh, these people are not French. They are Norman. They are Breton. They are Gascon.", they say. We reject their particularism! We reject their bigotry! We say, everyone born in France is French! We are done with special rights and distinctions! Everyone is equal, and everyone has equal rights, not old privileges. No longer do we say, "These are the rights of the city of Marsailles, and these of the city of Nantes." No longer do we say, "These are the rights of the noble, these of the city dweller, and these of the peasant." No! We say, "These are the rights of the citizen! These are the rights of all of mankind!"

Gorgo Primus
Mar 29, 2009

We shall forge the most progressive republic ever known to man!



Steward Charles Armand Tuffin, marquis de la Rouerie
Steward of the Throne of the Elective Duchy of Breizh/Brittany for Duke Luis II

Excerpt From Open Musing of an Open Mind: On Rights posted:

... and how is it racist to say we are our own nation? It is racist to insist that our nation does not exist. It is racist and blind(!) to declare that our language and culture don't exist. No man has any Rights if he does not have the Right to be himself. We have a Right to be Breton. We have a Right to be ourselves. We have a Right to self-determination, and we have self-determined that we are an Independent Elective Duchy! If you do not respect these Rights on account of your Great Parisian Chauvinism, then you care not for Rights other that that that which you perceive to be granted wholesale by force of 'Might'.

Signed,
Steward Charles Armand Tuffin of the Sovereign Independent Elective Duchy of Brittany, in Personal Union with the Kingdom of France under Luis II/Luis XVI

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.


Tao Jones posted:



The forces of France displayed themselves magnificently in my nation's struggle against the British, no one is disputing that. Now, elements of those same forces that once were a midwife for my Republic are apparently intending to surrender themselves to a mob of slaves armed with little more than a few guns and reinforced by a single cannon. If I am complaining about the French military, Admiral, I am complaining that it seems to have lost the fighting spirit and skill which it so lately displayed in aiding the cause of America.

Toussaint Loverture claims that the infamous massacres at St. Marc and Le Cap were committed by rogue elements of his army, slaves that could not control their base desires for violence and bloodshed. Should your government ratify the surrender, who is to say that the same will not happen to those men who put themselves into Toussaint's "care"? Toussaint himself? History attests to how empty his promises of safety can be.

Your ideals are blinding you to the harsh realities of war and politics, Admiral. If I, one of France's greatest friends in the world, view the proposed course of action as a show of weakness, what do you suppose your nation's enemies will think of it?



It's not my concern what the ambassador of a foreign nation thinks of the deals we make internally, and it's not my responsibility to attempt to appease your government of fly-by-night racists and reactionaries. I am sworn to the Constitution, which states that "Men are born and remain free and equal in rights. Social distinctions can be based only upon public utility", and to my King, who desires immensely that his subjects be spared any violence or injustice. I've done my best to follow both, and as for your concerns about whether Toussaint is trustworthy, here is a man who raised his flag, the French flag, against a corrupt and brutal regime that many of us in France had long detested, and I think your disgusting racism blinds you to the parallels of his and your revolutions. If you are so concerned about prosecuting war criminals, did your General Washington not acquire quite the reputation for burning down the villages of Indians, leaving women and children to die of hunger and cold? I imagine seizing him in the name of justice would be less expensive than booking a ticket to Haiti.

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.


Epicurius posted:

Saint-Just

237x250


Citizens! There are those among you who would make distinctions based on old particularism and habits to deny men rights. "Oh, these people are not French. They are Norman. They are Breton. They are Gascon.", they say. We reject their particularism! We reject their bigotry! We say, everyone born in France is French! We are done with special rights and distinctions! Everyone is equal, and everyone has equal rights, not old privileges. No longer do we say, "These are the rights of the city of Marsailles, and these of the city of Nantes." No longer do we say, "These are the rights of the noble, these of the city dweller, and these of the peasant." No! We say, "These are the rights of the citizen! These are the rights of all of mankind!"



Oh, be quiet, Louis. You've been posturing your whole goddamn life, acting like you know anything about privation or suffering, you're just another prep school asshole who gets to write for a living because you? work? of course not, there's people to bother. Haha, what are you even going to do if Brittany goes either way. You're either going to move on to the next thing like the fucking sky is collapsing if it passes, or you're gonna get a bunch of these people in Paris ginned up on your brand of murder and send them to die while you sit safely out of harm's way, writing another worthless pamphlet about shit you've never even dealt with in your life. What do you know about suffering or oppression? Check your god damned privilege.

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.




Hey, people of Paris! I'm leaving this city, and going back to Toulon now to solve more things now that I have done my duty as emergency Minister of War, it's been real. But before I go, let me just say that these asshole Jacobins don't know shit from dick. You want bread? Well, the King is giving it to you, because he cares. You want more rights? Well, the King thinks its time you get some. You want peace? Well, the King wants it too. You know who doesn't want that? Robespierre and his band of merry fuckups, who all either flunked out of pre-law or huffed so much glue they think Jesus Christ descended down to Earth and gave them the divine mission to spend the rest of their lives printing pamphlets with so much purple prose in them the thesaurus industry becomes the biggest employer in France. You want stability and things improving? Go tell your King he's doing a great job. You want to see your dog get denounced as a traitor to the nation because Robespierre went on a bender and is still hallucinating a lil' bit the morning after? Go vote for the Jacobins, or whatever. Enrages, you're still cool.

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.




I am sure the people of Paris will listen to you, Admiral d'Esting, though should I encourage them to listen to the radical who caused half our fleet to mutiny or the monarchist who so dearly loves his king and tradition? It's so hard to keep track among the torrent of words that come out of your mouth.

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.


sniper4625 posted:

188x250


I am sure the people of Paris will listen to you, Admiral d'Esting, though should I encourage them to listen to the radical who caused half our fleet to mutiny or the monarchist who so dearly loves his king and tradition? It's so hard to keep track among the torrent of words that come out of your mouth.



Hahaha, I don't know, should they listen to Robespierre the incorruptible or Max the weird kid who once got so fucking mad at losing a chess tournament at Lycee Louis-le-Grand he just started screaming until security removed him from the atrium. You didn't think anybody would remember that, dude? Hahaha you so ugly when they hold up your head to the crowd they're gonna have to have a paper bag over it. Haha your dick so small Napoleon's like damn dude they should have named the complex after that

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.




Man maybe I shouldn't have been so mean to Robespierre. I mean we all know that not only did he lose his right hand he also lost his longtime girlfriend

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.




Hilarious. If anyone else as any hand jokes to make, I invite you to do so. I only ask you try to put a little effort into it - most of the low hanging fruit has already been plucked.

As for Admiral d'Esting, the man clearly suffers from a medical malady the learned men know only as "Talkius Bullshittia". A good rest in the countryside is exactly what the doctors recommend, and I wish him the best in his recovery.

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.


sniper4625 posted:

188x250


Hilarious. If anyone else as any hand jokes to make, I invite you to do so. I only ask you try to put a little effort into it - most of the low hanging fruit has already been plucked.

As for Admiral d'Esting, the man clearly suffers from a medical malady the learned men know only as "Talkius Bullshittia". A good rest in the countryside is exactly what the doctors recommend, and I wish him the best in his recovery.



Haha speaking of Latin, everytime you come to mass the priest quits the church cause ain't no loving God make a face like that

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.




Ahaha so there's this farmer who's in debt and his neighbor's got a couple fat donkeys and always leaves his pasture gate open at night. The farmer goes out to steal one of the donkeys but the neighbor sees somebody out there and comes charging out shouting with a shotgun. The farmer dives over the donkey into a bush but his wig falls on the donkey's butt, the neighbor gets closer and stops in his tracks and says "Oh, forgive me monsieur Robespierre, but aren't you supposed to be in Paris?"

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.


I don't want to make this "La Nation, la Loi, le 'make hand jokes', so I'll close with a request that any further witticisms be added to one of your numerous posts on this page. Merci et bonne nuit.

Tao Jones
Jun 15, 2007

That's a very courageous post, Minister!


Anonymous Pamphlet Distributed In Poor Parisian Neighborhoods posted:

CITIZENS!



Is this a Frenchman? Is he your equal? Is he entitled to your franchise? Your job? Your money? Your sacraments? Your food? Your wife?

THE ASSEMBLY-MEN OF FRANCE SAY: YES!
THE NOBLEMEN OF FRANCE SAY: YES!
THE KING'S MINISTERS SAY: YES!
WHO AMONG US WILL SAY: NO!


Citizens, make your voices heard! Take whatever measures necessary to prevent the 'Province of Haiti Act' from passing!

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.


Pamphlet distributed in Paris by the Society for Haitian Liberty posted:


Frenchmen! Citizens!



How long ago was it that they told you that you were not human enough for liberty? For representation? How long ago did you see the lies directed at our Haitian brothers directed at you? They called you monsters, animals, simple beasts who needed their betters to rule over them lest they destroy society! And now that you have cast off your shackles, you see that the lies were that all along, lies! Now help your brothers in Haiti do the same!



Liberté! Egalité! Fraternité! Do your part to make sure the Province of Haiti Act passes, so that your fellow Frenchmen overseas can too share the fruits of freedom!

Empress Theonora
Feb 19, 2001

No reason to make an effort to empathize if doing so comes at the price of oblivion.




Vermont banned slavery in 1777. Pennsylvania followed suit in 1780. In 1783, the Supreme Court of Massachusetts— the cradle of the American Revolution— ruled that a black man is entitled to the same liberty as his fellow men, and free under the Constitution of that Commonwealth. New Hampshire also abolished slavery in 1783. Rhode Island and Connecticut followed suit in 1784. In 1787, the American Congress banned slavery throughout the whole of the vast Northwest Territory. Thomas Jefferson himself— though personally a slaveowner— sought to end slavery in all the territories of the United States, although his proposal was narrowly defeated in Congress.

Given that many of your own countrymen do not agree with your narrow conception of who is a citizen and who is a slave, Mr. Short, I find your attempt to meddle with who the French government extends the rights of citizenship to extremely inappropriate.

Tao Jones
Jun 15, 2007

That's a very courageous post, Minister!




If my arguments are vehement, it is meant in the spirit of friendship. When a man sees his friend about to make a grave error of judgment, he should speak out. As I have said, I believe this piece of legislation which you are entertaining is an outrageous blunder.

Certainly, many northern states have enacted legislation which emancipates the children of slaves born within their borders (such as Pennsylvania) or abolishing the institution altogether. In any case, this is not so difficult a thing for them to do, as there are few, if any, Negroes living within those borders. No industry there is reliant on Negro slaves in the manner that the southern states are.

I am a man of Virginia; I understand the economics of slavery as well as any man might hope to. If the doubtful military wisdom of placing your men under the command of Toussaint Loverture, a man whose lack of control over his own people led to the massacres at St. Marc and Le Cap, consider the economic implications of your bill.

By this I mean that the manufacture of sugar is particularly dependent upon labor-power. It is harsh work, conducted amidst all of the dangers and tropical sicknesses which your Haitian expedition's soldiers, no doubt, complain of in their letters. No European man who has not taken leave of his senses would ever agree to work on a sugar plantation.

Even the English, who have held that no slave can be forcibly removed from Great Britain (and thus in effect abolished the condition of slavery on their home islands), have not been so foolish as to abolish it within their colonies. This is no doubt in part because they realize that the enormous sugar profits of Jamaica that they currently enjoy would dwindle to nothing without slave labor. I believe those men of France who support this measure for economic reasons are ignorant of the economic realities of the plantation.

As my voice appears to be the only one raised against this bill, and I am a man who has no franchise in your assembly, it should pass without difficulty. If my tone toward the Admiral gave offense, I apologize - his peculiar manner brought out the worst in me.

Maximo Roboto
Feb 4, 2012

A slow smile spread over John's face. He turned to me and said the five most horrifying words he knows.

'Dave, I have a plan.'



Honored men of France, these past few months have seen a flurry of attempts to aid the cause of our nation's women. While all are laudatory and of most generous intentions, it is clear that just as modern society has been unable and unwilling to accept the cause of all men regardless of their social status, it will do even less to recognize the inalienable rights of this nation's women. But let us not linger upon this regrettable fact. For the moment, I am championing the cause of women without asking for our equal share. Instead, let us turn to the subject of camp followers, a practice as old as the institution of war itself. For as long as armies have fought in the field, so have those who have supported those who fought. Even as our nation is propelled towards violent exploits that I dare not imagine, it likewise girds herself in the armor of war. So while you polish your weapons and ready your armies, gentlemen, I propose the following:

Regulating camp followers

As the discussion regarding women indicates, the men of France are terrified at the notion of whores besmirching their most pristine honor. But the fact on the ground is that camp followers often include prostitutes and loose women of ill repute. Currently, this grievous situation has been addressed neither by the excellent officers of the Army, nor the noble statesmen of the Law, nor the pious hierophants of the Church. Why this continuing moral crisis continues is beyond me, but as one with an interest in the best interest of this nation's women, I intend to address it. As the august body of the Legislative Assembly seems to suffer from grave imbalance of humors at the notion of women engaging in civic duty, let this simply be the public proclamation of a private citizen who happens to be female. Dearest delegates, in order to alleviate this situation, we should legitimize and regulate the practice of camp followers, not simply discard it entirely. Having a supply chain maintained by virtuous and patriotic Frenchwomen can be helpful to this nation's war efforts. Therefore, I suggest these provisions-

* Camp volunteers are to be organized as non-combat auxiliary corps who would be protected from frontline duty.

* These women would be recruited mainly from the wives and female relatives of the soldiers serving in the units they are attached to.

* Non-related volunteers may serve, but strict anti-fraternization policies can be enacted to prevent amorous and other distracting relationships from forming. To break these policies, especially engaging in whoredom, would be to result in dishonorable discharge and expulsion for both parties.

* The primary role for these camp volunteers would be to aid in the logistics of the military by washing, cooking, nursing, sewing, maintaining supplies and powder, scavenging supplies, and all of the non-combat needs of the military.

* These women may be trained to defend themselves to protect against the violation of their honor by the enemy brutes, as per the discretion of their commanding officers. But the most important training should be to make use of their industriousness in fulfilling the previous tasks in order to protect the wartime supply chain.

* While women serving as camp volunteers would not grant them suffrage under current law, some other compensation should be given to those who join in this service. Monetary could do.

* These are merely guidelines. The details are up to the discretion of each individual unit's commanding officer, but some sort of basic uniform policy should be kept in place.

The dream of this proposal is to unleash the patriotic potential of France's women to defend her home from whatever enemies may threaten the legitimate order and who seek to pervert the justice of this great nation. Such an example already exists in the case of the esteemed Mme. Molly Pitcher of Pennsylvania. Mme. Pitcher tirelessly aided the war effort for the liberation of her people, fighting with her life for freedom. Instead of being accused of prostitution, or mocked, the wise representatives of the United States simply praised her courage. Can the honorable women of France do no less than the maidens of such a young nation? A thousand times non! As part of their sacred duty to defend France, the men of this kingdom must likewise allow others to come to her aid. I implore you, men of France. If you truly love your country, then allow us the chance to love her alongside you.

SexyBlindfold
Apr 24, 2008
i dont care how much probation i get capital letters are for squares hehe im so laid back an nice please read my low effort shitposts about the arab spring

thanxs!!!




THE STRAIGHT TALK OF FATHER DUCHESNE

My fellow prisoners of starvation and unemployment: Let us talk about the black man.
I have heard, in the taverns and whorehouses, that the working men and women of France have nothing in common with the Negro overseas, for their skin is black as coal and are not really human, but rather are as cattle, like a mule or an ox that, seeing its master shout for equality, tries to drop its yoke and burden, crying "me too! me too!".
These are shit opinions coming from shit minds. Are we ourselves not also treated as the mules and oxen of the rich and privileged, even by those who claim to stand by your side? Are we not expected to do the toiling and sweating for them, while they idle away in the Assembly arguing over the best way to dismember the Republique?
I say, to the lot of you, that we must not only hold the wretched Negro of the Caribbean as our equal, but those of you who can write, must also take notes of their success, so we can learn from what they have done! For they did not throw away their chains by lying about in the shit and mud, but by taking muskets and bayonets to conquer their freedom by destroying those who got in their way. For I tell you, when the day of retribution comes, when the take charge of our future as they have done, you won't be able to see the soot on their faces that makes them different from the white man in the eyes of some, for both of us will be covered in the blood of those who have kept us captive of hunger, poverty and misery.
Haiti has shown that the correct form to take what is owed from the Coward of Versailles is to intimidate the royals and nobles into submission. Follow their example!

YF-23
Feb 17, 2011

My god, it's full of cat!


Colonel Napoléon Bonaparte

In a speech to the troops in Haiti

Men, I have good news, and good news. The good news are that the butchers of St Marc and Le Cap will be brought to justice for their heinous crimes. The good news are that this war is over and the revolt has been put down. Louverture has accepted sorting out the murderous elements of his army and seeing them punished for their actions, and to the incorporation of Haiti as a department of France, in exchange for domestic autonomy. But our job here is far from over. In fact, we are just beginning. As of now, you are the Haiti garrison. You are the maintainers of the law on this land. You will complete your objective and see this land brought to peace.

The first order of things will be ensuring the investigation on the atrocities in St Marc and Le Cap proceeds as it should: justly and thoroughly. Once that is over, the transition into the new law will proceed under our oversight. You are all good men. You have followed me to the ends of the earth, so far away from home. I trust you and have full faith in you.

Viral Warfare
Aug 4, 2010

~~a n d I a m c a l m~~

Turns are due in five hours at 6 PM EST. Get them in!

1st French Assembly, 3rd Session
300x336

Vote Distribution:
pre:
Feuillants: 166 votes
Girondins: 167 votes
Montagnards: 166 votes
Independents: 245 votes
Enrages: 1 vote
For a bill to pass, it must command a majority of votes, or 373.

Proposals on the Floor:
pre:
Breton Rebellion Act - spons: Marquis de Lafayette
The Agricultural Innovation Act - spons: Jean-François Varlet (Enragés)
Defend the Borders Act - spons: Maximilien de Robespierre
Reinforce the City Guard Act - spons: Jean-François Varlet (Enragés) 
Closing the Loophole Act - spons: Maximilien de Robespierre
The Province of Haiti Act - spons: comte de Montmorin
Breton Semi-Independence Recognition Act - spons: King Louis XVI
Secession Act - spons: Marquis de Lafayette
Regulating Camp Followers - spons: Olympe de Gouges
Haitian Referendum Act - spons: Jacques Roux
Budgets:
pre:
None
Note: if no budget passes, then the default will be the budget from the past session. You may only choose one budget to vote for.

Kellsterik
Mar 30, 2012


Georges Danton

Votes

YES
Regulating Camp Followers
Agricultural Innovation Act
Reinforce the City Guard
Closing the Loophole
Defend the Botders
Secession Act

NON
All else at this time

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.




The Navy needs to be fully funded. I submit this slightly modified budget that will ensure this.

quote:

Contributions Directes:
Tax Efficiency: Low
35% tax on nobility (16)
25% tax on bourgeoisie (11)
25% tax on the petit bourgeoisie (3)
20% tax on working poor (2)
30% tax on land and estates (15)

Debt
Current Market Interest Rate: 2.0%
Debt growth per turn: 0 [-0 interest, -0 spending]
Payments to debt interest per turn: 10
Payments to debt reduction per turn: 5
Debt Credits: 510
---102 credits to Swiss banking houses
---408 credits to various private investors

Possible creditors: Private citizens. Dutch and Swiss banks willing to loan more only at higher than market interest rate while stability of government still in question.

Trade
Tariffs: 5.0% tax rate on all overseas imports and exports.
---1 from salt imports [Pondicherry - France]
---3 from sugar imports [Saint-Domingue - France]
---1 from cocoa imports [Martinique - France]

Trade Deals: Free Trade Compact w/ America
--- 1.0% growth from textiles [France - America]
--- 1.0% growth from cotton [America - France]

Government Revenues:
Minting: 10 (+1.0 inflation/year)
Inflation: 5.50%

Manufacturing: 3/3
Agriculture: 4/4
Infrastructure: 4/6
Transportation: 1/2
Culture: 3/2
Police: 6/8
National Guard: 2/4
Army: 12/12
Navy: 10/10
Intelligence: 1/2
Courts: 1/1
Clergy: 1/3
Education: 4/4
Healthcare: 2/5
Colonies: 7/8
Food Relief: 1/2

Yearly Credits

Free Credits: 0
Credit Income: 58

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.




There are more pressing concerns than our navy, especially with the cessation of hositilities in Haiti. Current funding is sufficient.

Citoyen Danton, I must urge you support the Breton Rebellion Act, for the good of France.

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