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Tao Jones
Jun 15, 2007

That's a very courageous post, Minister!



Auguste de Bonteville Hay, Veur Steward of Brittany

Perhaps you should withdraw your army from Brittany, Minister? No one would fault you for wishing to secure Paris against Gerbey.

A RICH WHITE MAN
Jul 30, 2010

See them other chickenheads? They don't never leave the coop.


1395x1860

Général Joseph Marie Servan de Gerbey, Commander of l’Armée des Pyrénées, Patriot

Declaration from the camp of l'Armee des Pyrénées

I must say, I find it funny that Lafayette has branded me the traitor. I have done only what I must do to save France. After our Triumvir approached me with plans to establish his Triumvirate as the sole power in Paris, and asked for my backing, I did the only thing I knew to do: I wrote letters to my dear Jacobin friends in Paris. I told them what Lafayette planned, and I told them of my fear; I asked them to declare the General a traitor, to strip him of his rank, and to appoint a new Minister of War. I asked them to do this because the revolution, my friends, has been betrayed; betrayed by three men who wear the cloak of a revolutionary, but in reality, seek only power for its own sake. I speak, of course, of our Triumvirate. Robespierre, who has betrayed the Jacobin club, and is perhaps the most odious. Our 'President', who wears the crown in all but name after being appointed without election. General Lafayette, who slaughtered his own men in his own ruthless quest for power, and who considers asking the government in Paris to fire him to be treason. But I will not give up. I will fight for this revolution until I can fight no more, and I will ensure that it does not die under the boots of this vile Triumvirate.

rakovsky maybe
Nov 4, 2008


419x523


Général Michel Ney, commander of l’Armée des Alpes

Declaration from the camp of l’Armée des Alpes

I must, dreadfully, confirm the accusations of Général Lafayette. Général Joseph Marie Servan de Gerbey approached me and suggested that we should fabricate a plot wherein the President and Général Lafayette were seeking to overthrow the Republic. With this justification they would be removed, and Général Servan de Gerbey given the position of Minister of War. My good conscience in addition to my sense of patriotism forced me to reveal this vile treachery. No single man's ambition should be allowed to undermine France.

a bad enough dude
Jun 30, 2007

APPARENTLY NOT A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO STICK TO ONE THING AT A TIME WHETHER ITS PBPS OR A SHITTY BROWSER GAME THAT I BEG MONEY FOR AND RIPPED FROM TROPICO. ALSO I LET RETARDED UKRANIANS THAT CAN'T PROGRAM AND HAVE 2000 HOURS IN GARRY'S MOD RUN MY SHIT.



Général Lafayette, Minister of War, Commander of the National Guard

l’Armée du Centre is now forced to march south to deal with this crisis. Civil war must be averted while foreigners threaten to march upon us from every border. To the Bretons, I swear we will return to restore order and liberty to this integral part of France as soon as we are able!

A RICH WHITE MAN
Jul 30, 2010

See them other chickenheads? They don't never leave the coop.


rakovsky maybe posted:

419x523


Général Michel Ney, commander of l’Armée des Alpes

Declaration from the camp of l’Armée des Alpes

I must, dreadfully, confirm the accusations of Général Lafayette. Général Joseph Marie Servan de Gerbey approached me and suggested that we should fabricate a plot wherein the President and Général Lafayette were seeking to overthrow the Republic. With this justification they would be removed, and Général Servan de Gerbey given the position of Minister of War. My good conscience in addition to my sense of patriotism forced me to reveal this vile treachery. No single man's ambition should be allowed to undermine France.

a bad enough dude posted:

246x250


Général Lafayette, Minister of War, Commander of the National Guard

l’Armée du Centre is now forced to march south to deal with this crisis. Civil war must be averted while foreigners threaten to march upon us from every border. To the Bretons, I swear we will return to restore order and liberty to this integral part of France as soon as we are able!

1395x1860

Général Joseph Marie Servan de Gerbey, Commander of l’Armée des Pyrénées, Patriot

Declaration from the camp of l'Armee des Pyrénées

The traitors rear their ugly heads. Look upon their faces, France, for they are the men who will destroy your Revolution if you let them.

ZearothK
Aug 25, 2008

The only mystery left,
is what I put in your tea.




SexyBlindfold posted:

I am seriously considering endorsing Breton independence if the lot of you will, for the love of God, stop posting your awful, awful music and poetry.

I'll write the draft resolution for that proposal. Breton independence shall be fully recognized, and they can take Vendée with them, if they just stop. Or at least write all of it in their moon tongue so we can be spared.

Ministry of Justice

From the personal diary of Marguerite-Louis-François Duport-Dutertre posted:


Why am I surrounded by the insane? First de Sade ignores my argument that the Breton taxes would give validity to the claims of Tuffin and his cronies, then the king ignores my advice on how to prevent a coup -as if the French people would side with separatist rebels- and now the military seeks to accomplish a coup while every single fucking country in this continent is sending armies against us. Seriously, don't these guys know that they need to win some outrageous victories, be recognized as heroes and then coup the government? France is dying, for every act of these madmen our nation bleeds further into oblivion, soon we will be split into imperial duchies under Vienna, this is too much for me. I can't go on. I must go on.

WhitemageofDOOM
Sep 13, 2010

... It's magic. I ain't gotta explain shit.

311x640


Koca Yusuf Pasha, Ambassador of the Ottoman Empire

Does it matter who controls paris as long as they keep it running at the moment?
While we are at WAR?! Fight over your Allah damned republic after you deal with your Breton problems and take care of the Austrians at your door steps.
Austrians i have to deal with Russians because i decided to intervene to defend you from their unprovoked aggressions.

We have far greater problems.

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.


ZearothK posted:

215x292


Ministry of Justice

I have some matters to discuss with you before tonight. Catch me in the usual place.

I propose a slight modification to the budget on the floor:

quote:

Budget
Contributions Directes:
Tax Efficiency: Low
50% tax on nobility (12)
20% tax on bourgeoisie (9)
15% tax on the petit bourgeoisie (1)
0% tax on working poor (0)
60% tax on land and estates (30)



Debt
Current Market Interest Rate: 3.0%
Debt growth per turn: 0
Payments to debt interest per turn: 13 credits
Payments to debt reduction per turn: 0
Debt Credits: 432
---432 credits to various private investors

Possible creditors: NONE. The French government can not spend more than it earns next turn as no one trusts them to make interest payments.

Loans in Default:
Debt Credits: 112
---105 credits to Swiss banking houses
---17 credits to Dutch banking houses

Trade
Tariffs: 10.0% tax rate on all overseas imports and exports. [all trade income NOT COLLECTED due to blockade]

Trade Deals: Free Trade Compact w/ America

Government Revenues:
Minting: 26 (+2.6 inflation/year) (from 10/+1.0pa)
Inflation: 6.82%

Manufacturing: 4/4 (Funding Protected)
Agriculture: 5/5 (+1)
Infrastructure: 4/7 (Funding Protected])
Transportation: 2/3 (Funding Protected)
Culture: 0/3
Police: 9/9 (-3)
National Guard: 2/5 (Funding Protected)
Army: 25/13 (Funding Protected)
Navy: 4/11 (Funding Protected)
Intelligence: 1/3
Courts: 1/2 (Funding Protected)
Clergy: 2/4 (Funding Protected, +2)
Education: 3/5 (-1)
Healthcare: 0/6 (-2)
Colonies: 0/9 (-7)
Food Relief: 3/3 (-3)
Interest Payments: 13/13 (+13)
Subtotal: 78

Yearly Credits
Free Credits: 0

While the cuts to education are regrettable, intelligence matters in the short term take precedence. I am quite pleased with the remainder of the legislation on the floor this session. Unfortunately, minting must be increased, as the budget was not revenue neutral.

Tao Jones
Jun 15, 2007

That's a very courageous post, Minister!



Auguste de Bonteville Hay, Veur Steward of Brittany

To the defenders of Nantes:

Men, this stuff some sources have been slinging around about Brittany wanting out of this war, not wanting to fight, is a crock of shit. Bretons love to fight, traditionally. All real Bretons love the sting and clash of battle. You are here today for three reasons. First, because you are here to defend your homes and your loved ones. Second, you are here for your own self-respect, because you would not want to be anywhere else. Third, you are here because you are real men, and all real men love to fight. When you, here, every one of you were kids, you all admired the champion, the fastest runner, the toughest boxer, the surest shooter. Bretons love a winner. Bretons won't tolerate a loser. Bretons despise cowards, and Bretons play to win all the time. I wouldn't give the time of day to a man who lost and laughed about it. That's why Brittany has never lost and will never lose a war; for the very idea of losing is hateful to a Breton.

You are not all going to die. Only two percent of you right here today would die in a major battle. Death must not be feared. Death, in time, comes to all men. Yes, every man is scared in his first battle. If he says he's not, he's a damned liar. Some men are cowards but they fight the same as brave men or they get the hell slammed out of them watching men fight who are just as scared as they are. The real hero is the man who fights, even though he is scared. Some men get over their fright in the first minute of combat. For some, it takes an hour. For some, it takes days. But a real man will never let his fear of death overpower his honor, his sense of duty, and his manhood. Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best and removes all that is base. Bretons pride themselves on being strong men, and they are strong men. Remember that the enemy is just as frightened as you are, and probably moreso. We've shown them that they are not invincible.

But strength is not the only trait you must possess. You must, all of you, retain your alertness. Alertness must be bred into every one of you. I don't give a fuck for a man who is not always on his toes. You men are veterans or you wouldn't be here. You are ready for what's to come. A man must be alert at all times if he expects to stay alive. If you're not alert, sometime, some French son of a bitch is going to sneak up behind you and beat you to death with a stocking full of his own shit!

There are four hundred graves alongside the shore of the Mayenne. All because one man thought a nap was more important than his duty. But they are French graves, because we caught the bastard asleep before they did! An army is a team. It lives, sleeps, eats, and fights as a team. That heroic individual stuff is pure horseshit. Those bastards who write that kind of stuff to Le Père Duchesne don't know any more about real fighting than they know about fucking!

We have the best food, the best equipment, the best spirit, and the best men on the whole continent of Europe! By God, I actually pity those poor sons of bitches that we're going up against. By God, I do.

Breton men don't surrender. I don't want to hear of any soldier being captured unless he has been hit. Even if you are hit, you can still fight back. That's not just bullshit, either. The kind of men Brittany needs are like the sergeant at Mayenne who, when a Frenchman pushed his pistol against his chest, he suddenly elbowed the Frenchman in the chest, swept the gun aside with one hand, and busted the hell out of the frog with a pitchfork. Then he went for the gun and killed another Frenchman before they even knew what the hell was going on. And, all the time, that Breton man had a bullet in his lung. There was a real man!

We want to get the French out of our nation. The quicker we clean up this damn mess, the quicker we can take a little jaunt to the Vendee and help our Catholic brothers who are oppressed there, too, before the goddamned British get all of the credit.

Sure, we all wish this were over. We want this war over with. But the quickest way to get it over with is to go get the bastards who started it. The quicker the French are whipped, the quicker we can return to our homes. The shortest way to achieve that, is to get that bastard Lafayette. And when we catch the son of a bitch, I'm personally going to put the noose around his neck, just like I would any bandit!

One good may yet come out of this. Years from now, when you are rearing your children, one day your son may say to you, "Father, what did you do in the war for our independence?" None of you will have to shift him to your knee, cough uncomfortably, and say, "Well, son, I fled like a coward, only to be sodomized by the Marquis de Sade in Louisiana." Instead, you will be able to say that you rode with real men - with heroes like Charles Armand Tuffin and Aimé Picquet du Boisguy!

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.




Might I recommend the honorable Steward consult a history book before claiming that Brittany has never lost a war?

Tao Jones
Jun 15, 2007

That's a very courageous post, Minister!





Clearly written by French oppressors in order to denigrate the Breton people. No Breton history book mentions such a war.

SexyBlindfold
Apr 24, 2008
i dont care how much probation i get capital letters are for squares hehe im so laid back an nice please read my low effort shitposts about the arab spring

thanxs!!!


Tao Jones posted:



Clearly written by French oppressors in order to denigrate the Breton people. No Breton history book mentions such a war.



Bretons have books?

Tao Jones
Jun 15, 2007

That's a very courageous post, Minister!




Well, it is true that much of our history is recorded in song, as books can be burned or edited, but a song lives forever in the hearts of the people. Would you like to hear some more examples?

Stalingrad
Feb 5, 2011



248x260


That song won't last long one we've sewn your mouths shut.

WhitemageofDOOM
Sep 13, 2010

... It's magic. I ain't gotta explain shit.

311x640


Koca Yusuf Pasha, Ambassador of the Ottoman Empire

From the offices of the ottoman empire,
We have commissioned a painting for the french in light of recent events.



Perhaps the more astute will notice the symbolism.

Jenkem Delivery
Feb 8, 2005

Death created time to grow the things that it would kill


President of the First French Republic Louis Philippe Joseph d'Orléans, “Citoye Egalité”

I am saddened by Marie Therese's use of my offer as a bully pulpit, it is clear evidence of her general lack of comprehensive skills and fitness for leadership. The ceremony and funerary arrangements are up to the family to decide. My offer was merely to inter the remains in the Basilica per tradition once the family's funeral and ceremonies are complete. The remains shall be transferred to Brittany per Marie's request.

I also condemn General Gerbey and his traitorous intentions towards our Republic. The Presidential elections are set to occur during the Summer, and I am declaring my intentions to run for office.

I also propose the Wartime Effort Worker Protection Act. Due to the critical nature of our war effort, we need all French citizens working in the factories to be kept productive and treated equally among gender lines. Any factory management reported to be abusing workers shall be investigated and charged appropriately for their actions. I cannot have our war effort sabotaged or undermined by petty squabbles and abusive management! Let this be a warning to those who have been known to abusing employees, stop your actions immediately or face the consequences!

Viscardus
Jun 1, 2011

Thus equipped by fortune, physique, and character, he was naturally indomitable, and subordinate to no one in the world.




Général André Masséna, Commandant de l'Armée du Nord

In a letter to Maréchal du Tillières:

I swear, there are times I think we are the only ones who care more about the well-being of the republic than our own personal glory.

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010


The Jacobins have proposed a bill in the Assembly!

The Amnesty Act

quote:

All individuals currently in rebellion against the State of France who lay down their arms in the next six months and take an oath of loyalty to the government, will not be prosecuted for their actions.

This act does not apply to the following individuals:

Georges Cadoudal
Charles Armand Tuffin
Aimé Picquet du Boisguy
Louis Stanislas Capet

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.




Oh shit! Does that include me?

Incy
May 30, 2006
for other Out

Duke Gower

Sirs

After reading the most recent proposed bill, I would very much appreciate if the French assembly could give me advance notice of any pardon being given to Jacques Roux. I would very much like to observe the assembly as it administers this particular pardon, I believe it would be most amusing.

THE LESBIATHAN
Jan 22, 2011

The name Daria was already taken.


Louis Cahnon, Freelance Detective and General Fancy Man About Paris

In the city of Paris, on an insignificant street, sits the office of one Louis Cahnon, self-described freelance detective (and, as his door also claims, general fancy man about Paris). As noon approaches, the world's only freelance detective sits behind his desk, lazily rolling a cigarette. He has not had a paying job for weeks, but like any good Frenchman, he knows that God and Providence shall provide for him, if he waits long enough.

Louis allows himself a small, smug smile as a young lady enters his office, her lip quivering, her general demeanor nervous. Gallantly, ever the gentleman, Louis stands and offer her a chair. Once seated, Louis returns to his seat, offers her a contented smile, and says, "Madame, how can I, Louis Cahnon, be your humble servant?"

"I am told, Monsieur Cahnon that you are a man of extreme ingenuity and exceptional discretion. I have a... task that requires an individual such as you. Do you have any interest?"

"For a beautiful lady such as you, of course. Tell me my dear," says Louis, leaning forward on his elbows, a hungry look in his eyes, "what is it you need?"

Again, the young woman looks unsure and nervous, and Louis is worried that he has come on too strong, seemed too eager for work. But that moment passes, as quickly as it came, and the woman's courage returns. "Monsieur Cahnon, this past Wednesday a most heinous crime has been committed; someone of great value to me has been kidnapped."

The freelance investigator leans forward even more, threatening to fall out of his chair. A kidnapping. An honest to God kidnapping. He could hardly contain his excitement.

Tears well up in the woman's eyes and her lip quivers threateningly. "Monsieur, my beloved cat Fifi has been snatched away from me; you must find her before I fall into despair."

email: icecreamjones2010@live.com

Stalingrad
Feb 5, 2011



Epicurius posted:

The Jacobins have proposed a bill in the Assembly!

The Amnesty Act

248x260


I am rather amused that the greatest threat your "republic" has faced is not on this list.

Your incompetence shines as brightly as the explosion when I destroyed your precious assembly.

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.




You destroyed a building, Monsieur, nothing more. And if you fancy yourself France's greatest threat, then I applaud your healthy self-esteem.

Incy
May 30, 2006
for other Out

Duke Gower

To be fair to the man, the building was the highest elected assembly in your country, and did at the time contained the entirety of your government's legislature.

Edit starts here

I believe the crime itself is called "high treason". I feel that a lawyer such as yourself should be aware of the crime. I recall a similar event in British history, and although we do not share the same legal system I would be surprised if you did not have this crime codified.

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.


Incy posted:

Duke Gower

To be fair to the man, the building was the highest elected assembly in your country, and did at the time contained the entirety of your government's legislature.

Edit starts here

I believe the crime itself is called "high treason". I feel that a lawyer such as yourself should be aware of the crime. I recall a similar event in British history, and although we do not share the same legal system I would be surprised if you did not have this crime codified.



I am not trying to argue that he did not destroy the Assembly building - he did, and he should answer for it. I merely am saying that the National Assembly of France has survived his petty tantrum, and shall continue to endure.

I believe that the Amnesty Act was a poorly worded bill meant solely to apply to those involved in the Breton rebellion.

Friar John
Aug 3, 2007

Saint Francis be my speed! how oft to-night
Have my old feet stumbled at graves!

Georges Cadoudal

The Speech for Revolt posted:

Friends, Brothers, Countrymen, I ask for a little of your time and attention.

For several months, you have witnessed firsthand the actions of the so-called Republic. You have heard their rhetoric, so full of idealism and and equality. And so you have seen their utter failure. The Republicans offered peace, and have brought war; they promised prosperity and have demonstrated a wastefulness surpassed by no monarch since Nero; they proclaim no man may be told what to think, and then cast out priests who have done no wrong, and bind men with greater chains than any tyrant.

You have shown a patience for your sufferings that calls to mind the Israelites in Babylon, ever trusting in the Lord for your protection. The Republicans have taken your gold, your food, your men, your horses, and what do they tell you? "It is necessary for the Revolution!" But where is their Revolution? Is it in your hunger and sickness? Is it in your poverty and oppression? Is it in the devastation that will be wrought by fire and iron?

Unlike the Revolutionaries, I do not claim to see the future. I cannot tell you what tomorrow may bring, except the eternal mercy and love of God for His creation. Should you take up your arms, and drive out the atheist and warmonger, I cannot guarantee what will happen, for that is the purview of God alone. But I can tell you what will happen should you stay silent. Your priests will continue to be hunted, your farms stripped of labor and help, your homes looted for gold, and the Revolutionaries will say "smile! Enjoy this, for this is freedom!"

I cannot hear the bells, friends. The bells, those voices in turn solemn and happy, have been taken from you, melted down to create weapons. I can hear them no longer! But instead, I hear a greater choir, the bells of the angels in Heaven! Those bells that ring the glory of the Lord, they ring to call you to action! To say "no more!" to the warmonger, "no more!" to the murderer, "no more!" to the bandit! Resist the godless, for they believe they own you! But you are stronger than them! Make use of your strength, I pray you!

Hold your heads up high, fellows, for though our task seems great, our reward shall be greater. The crowns of Heaven are there for you to earn, in your faith in God and your labors for Him. Be not afraid! Be hopeful in the glory of the Lord!
Vive le Roi Louis XVII! Vive fidele France!

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.




Can I have amnesty? I was just doing my job, as a loyal servant of the King, but now he's dead, so...

WhitemageofDOOM
Sep 13, 2010

... It's magic. I ain't gotta explain shit.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ucTzi5Igtk

A speech given by criers throughout poland posted:

People of poland, the tyrants of germany and russia have taken your lands, they have taken your liberty.
Now, they look to france.
If france falls, lady liberty dies, once and for all.
Is that that the europe you wish your children to see? The europe your grand children to see? Is that the europe you wish god to look down upon from heaven above?

But france fights against german and russian tyranny, it's allies fight in it's defense. Take up arms and join them, Take up your guns, there is money to be made, and liberty to be won.
Fight for poland, fight for liberty, fight to end german and russian oppression.
March with us, to vieanna, there we shall make the germans pay for their hubris.

Empress Theonora
Feb 19, 2001

No reason to make an effort to empathize if doing so comes at the price of oblivion.




Claire Lacombe's address on the occasion of her election to the Assembly of Picardie

Throughout the grand sweep of history, many societies have flirted with— conducted experiments in— or styled themselves as a democracy. Democracy is a potent ideal: The combination of kratos, strength and lordship and demos, the common people. Power to the people.

Yet one look at history's democracies shows that this lofty ideal has never truly been realized. From the United States of America to the fleeting Revolutionary regimes of Paris, from the famed polis of ancient Athens to Republic of Rome, power never truly resided in the hands of the people. Exceptions to the franchise abounded in each of these societies: Freedmen. The poor. Men who failed to complete military training. Men born in the wrong city. Slaves. Men without property. Every one of these "democracies", without exception, singled out particular segments of the populace to deny their rightful stake in their own governance. Furthermore, every one of these societies saw fit to deny all women their right to participate in government. Even without their various other restrictions on the franchise, that's fully half of the adult population excluded from the exercise of their natural rights.

It should not be a radical position that the word "people" should encompass women, and yet it seemed quite beyond those polities which claimed the mantles of demos and kratos.

Here in Picardie, however, we have embraced the principle of power to the people without debasing ourselves in a cloak of hypocrisy. Here I stand before you, a woman, elected to office in a legislature chosen by all the people— women, workers, the poor, the ill-used by the ancien regime, the Constitutional monarchy, the false Revolutionaries holding court in Paris. Nothing like this has happened before in all of human history.

My journey to this Commune of ours was fraught by danger— the reactionaries and revisionists, fearful of a true Revolution, are hounding us wherever we go. Throughout the countryside, I saw a country being destroyed by the power-hungry and short-sighted. They've forgotten that a revolution has two steps. It is not enough to simply destroy the old regime. One must build something new— something better in its place.

I am proud to say that the Commune I am privileged to sit in the Assembly of is that newer, better something. True liberty, true revolution, Rouxism-Babeufism: this is the destiny of humanity.

Takanago
Jun 2, 2007

You'll see...



Louis Stanislas Xavier, Regent of the Kingdom of France and Navarre, comte de Provence, Commander of L’Armée des Princes, Glorified Ally of Brittany, acting in lieu of His Majesty The King, the young Louis XVII

A letter to the "President" of the French "Republic" posted:

Louis Philippe,

It has been a long time since I have written to you, cousin, or communicated with you at all. I am sure that you can understand why this has been. But as much as I am a loyal royalist who supports my dear nephew, (Whom you ought to support as well.) I am still a Bourbon and we are still family. It would be ungentlemanly for me to just never speak with you ever again for the things you have done.

Let me thank you for returning my dear brother's remains to Brittany where he can be buried with respect. It is good to know that there is at least some civility left in Paris. Do not think, though, that this in any makes up for everything that you and your republic have done. Remember that it was your "revolution" which put the guns and motives in the hands of the republicans who shot my dear brother. Bourbon blood stains the hands of all those who brought this about, including you. I want you to remember that.

I know that you have had some strange politics, "Citoye Egalité", but I still must ask: are you willing to accept all the sins and troubles the Jacobin despotism and anarchy has brought? You've condemned the Bretons for not negotiating, but is what they did different than what you Parisians did when you ignored the Holy Roman Emperor's ultimatum? Is it okay to tear down the holy Catholic church at every opportunity? Is it just to seize over half of the assets of the wealthy and landed just because you can? The questions could go on and on.

So, my cousin, how is it that you can live with the crimes and sins of republic and revolution?

Sincerely,

A letter to the Duchess of Brittany posted:

Marie Thérèse,

It was so good to see you again, after the tragedies that have happened in France. I was so worried that a tragic fate might meet you, as has occurred to your Father and Brother. (Let us hope that the young King is found alive and well soon.) Even though you have grown up into a mature and capable young lady, I want you to never forget that I am always here to help you if you need it. Don't forget that your father entrusted me not just with the kingdom, but with the whole family. As Tuffin asked, I have decided to leave Brittany to you, for the most part. However, if you need any help at all, I will do all I can.

Be strong, my niece. Bourbon blood runs in your veins; it is the same blood which runs in great queens and kings. The struggle in front of us will be not easy, but
with God on our side and justice in our hearts we cannot lose.

With Familial Love,


P.S. Have you started thinking about marriage? It is a little bit early for a young lady like you, but it is worth thinking about. In one of his last letters to me, your father mentioned that it would be nice for you to marry the duc d'Angoulême, Louis-Antoine. He is the son of the comte d'Artois. I personally think that you two might really like each other.

Enjoy
Apr 18, 2009


"...Even as roaches, new states do sometimes appear and cause mischief. They scurry about for a day and half a day, yet ultimately snap and expire beneath our feet..."
Collected works of the Teacher, volume I: Purgation

Leif.
Mar 27, 2005

Son of the Defender
Formerly Diplomaticus/SWATJester


Back from vacation.

THE LESBIATHAN
Jan 22, 2011

The name Daria was already taken.


Louis Cahnon, Freelance Detective and General Fancy Man About Paris

There was a cat missing in Paris; lost and alone, its owner worried sick about her. There was only one person in the whole of the city that could help the freelance detective now: a damn dirty Dutchman who went by the name of Joël Amsterdam.

Cahnon grabbed his flintlock pistol, a small bag of shot, and his sword cane as he sauntered out of the door. He headed due north, toward Amsterdam's usual haunt, a tavern by the name of Lachen Nar.

It was a long walk, but it allowed Louis' mind to begin working on what he had started to call the Case of the Purloined Feline. Clearly the man or men behind this atrocity were masters of the criminal element; it would take quick and clear thinking to catch up to them, especially since most of the trail had gone cold.

So were Cahnon's thoughts when he arrived at the Lachen Nar. He quietly pushed the tavern's door open and was immediately assaulted by a wall of smoke, stale drink, and even staler sweat. Heads slowly turned towards Cahnon, eyes narrowed. The conversation slowly died, as Louis slowly walked to Amsterdam's table in the back.

Amsterdam saw him and stood up, smiling, arms spread in a friendly gesture. "Ah, if it isn't Paris' only freelance detective, Louis Cahnon. How can I be your humble servant today?"

Louis returned the Dutchman's smile with one of his own, before sitting down across from him. "Well, I was hoping that you could perhaps help me find a cat."

The conversation that had started up again abruptly died and Amsterdam's smile quickly faded. "I know nothing about any cat, monsieur. I'm so sorry you made the trip for nothing."

I don't have time for this, thought Louis sourly, too many are depending upon me.

Amsterdam was offering to order Louis a drink and attempting to make some small talk, so he was extremely surprised when Cahnon slugged him across the chin. The Dutchman quickly stopped being surprised and turned angry. "You dare strike me? I will make you..." His angry triad sputtered to a halt, as he stared down the barrel of a flintlock pistol.

"You will tell me where the cat is," Louis whispered, his eyes cold.

Joël gulped. "You wouldn't kill an unarmed man."

"You're right," said Louis, sounding regretful, lowering the gun slightly. Amsterdam looked less likely to wet himself, a smile now crossing his face. The gun snapped back to his face, as quickly as it had been lowered. "But, I have no ethical issues about shooting a Dutchman."

It must've shown in his eyes, because suddenly Amsterdam started doing his best canary impression. Louis had to have him slow down several times, to make sure he he had everything he needed.

Once Amsterdam had run dry, Louis thanked him, ordered the poor man a drink, and walked out. It was time to go buy some tobacco.

Stalin-Chan
Feb 11, 2009

Yeah, the guy wearing the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. Come on.

Viscardus posted:

220x269


Général André Masséna, Commandant de l'Armée du Nord

In a letter to Maréchal du Tillières:

I swear, there are times I think we are the only ones who care more about the well-being of the republic than our own personal glory.


Admiral Joachim Murat

Hold your tongue, not all of us are interested in the destruction of France; You have many friends.

On another note we must do something to bring more funding to the Navy, I would like a word with the finance minister.

rakovsky maybe
Nov 4, 2008


419x523


Général Michel Ney, commander of l’Armée des Alpes

Indeed, to leave out from that category of patriots a man who just selflessly saved the Republic from insurrection strikes me as odd.

A RICH WHITE MAN
Jul 30, 2010

See them other chickenheads? They don't never leave the coop.


rakovsky maybe posted:

419x523


Général Michel Ney, commander of l’Armée des Alpes

Indeed, to leave out from that category of patriots a man who just selflessly saved the Republic from insurrection strikes me as odd.

1395x1860

Général Joseph Marie Servan de Gerbey, Commander of l’Armée des Pyrénées, Patriot

You are little more than a sycophant who has sold his soul to serve beneath a dictator and a traitor to the Revolutionary Ideals.

Death to the Triumvirate! Death to the enemies of the Revolution!

Fall Sick and Die
Nov 22, 2003


OOC: After some talk with CVortex I want to make a few suggestions for people who are sending in turns. As a previous countrysim GM, I know how tough it can be. You wake up and look at a turn and see someone has turned 6 actions into a two-page turn report. So I'm going to make these suggestions for how you can make your turn easier for the GMs to process. When the turns are easier to process, not only do the GMs feel happier, the turns get out faster. When the turns get out faster, everyone is happier. So let's take a look at Goofus and Gallant:

Goofus writes long turn orders full of extraneous details with no clear goal, often muddling multiple true actions into one long and complex, meandering monstrosity.

Goofus posted:

1. I take my credit of income and use it to provide food for the hungry children of Paris. By doing so I will begin to gain their trust and friendship. Some of the children may not want to become friends with me so I will take these children aside and provide them with more toys/food than the others. If they still refuse then I will slowly attempt to isolate them from the other children, and if any leaders of the children attempt to tell the other children not to follow me then I will make those children disappear. Find whatever food the children like best to feed them and ask around for whatever toys are their favorite. Also ask the children to start finding information for me related to local Jacobin politicians. If they can't get the politicians to give them any information then send them to beg for money in the streets.

Gallant writes clear turn orders with a simple, explicit goal obviously stated. If an action is really two separate turn orders, he separates them. Gallant knows if a turn order could fail and he wants to do something else, it's a good idea to put it as another action altogether.

Gallant posted:

1. Use my money to provide food and toys for the orphans of Paris, gaining their trust.
2. Use the orphans to create a network of spies and informants focusing on local Jacobin politicians.
3. If there's no information I can really get, turn the children into a network of beggars who will funnel money back to me through the orphanage.

Goofus fills his turn with tons of conditional orders.

Goofus posted:

3. I go to the King's party. Unless it seems like there is something bad happening. Then I don't. But if it looks OK, then I go. I walk inside the party, does anything seem suspicious? If so, I immediately leave. But if it's OK, I go in. If anything bad happens like someone attacks me, I try to kill the King. If I can't kill the King I will try to kill one of his high court members, or even his wife. If I can't find anyone to kill then I flee.

Gallant knows conditional orders are the bane of turn processing, because it requires each condition be checked against every other turn order to see if someone did or did not do one of these things. A conditional order can make the simplest of turns take literally 20-30 minutes to process as you have to check everyone else's turns to see what they did, and if their conditional orders have conditions related to your conditions, it can easily get out of control.

Gallant posted:

3. I politely decline the King's invitation to his party, as I don't trust I'd get out alive.

Goofus explains why his action will work with far too much detail.

Goofus posted:

2. I recruit 10,000 troops among the farmers of Picardy. This will definitely work because Picardy is full of troops at this time who have no job. I offer them a job with me, the King. Even though Picardy is not pro-King, they will join with me because I offer them money and have the prestige of a King. I go to give them a speech. The speech will be successful because I show the common people I truly understand their plight. They will then feel so close to me they will join my army. No one who is against me will secretly join my army however, because they respect me too much. All of these troops will have horses because the horses of Picardy are the best in the world, and with the starvation ongoing, the horses have no fields to plow, so they will be able ot be used as warhorses.

Gallant knows that everyone sending in a turn will do their best to make it happen, and doesn't feel the need to explain why his turn will be successful. He allows the GMs to judge the success of his action rather than telling them why it will or will not be successful.

Gallant posted:

2. I do my best to recruit as many troops as I can in Picardy, especially focus on picking up some cavalry.

Whenever you write a turn, ask yourself, is this detail necessary or does it merely add to the confusion? Is it an attempt by me to control whether my action is successful, or is it merely flavor to give the GMs more to work with when they write up my order? Flavor is very good, but don't let it interfere with the production of a simple, well-crafted breakdown of your action. If you can't write your action in a simple sentence without using words like AND or THEN, it's probably not one action at all, and is potentially too complex. Also, the 6 action limit is just that, a limit, it's not a necessity. I've suggested that the GMs introduce a rule that the fewer actions you do each turn, the more successful they will be, justified in the sense that you're focusing all of your energy on doing something really well, rather than spreading it all over among many different things.

Pass this along to other dudes and also to all of the girls playing this game. Try to reduce the complexity of our turns, try to give the GMs help and follow these guidelines for their sanity and to keep them from burning out.

SexyBlindfold
Apr 24, 2008
i dont care how much probation i get capital letters are for squares hehe im so laid back an nice please read my low effort shitposts about the arab spring

thanxs!!!


Fall Sick and Die posted:

Pass this along to other dudes and also to all of the girls playing this game. Try to reduce the complexity of our turns, try to give the GMs help and follow these guidelines for their sanity and to keep them from burning out.

Will do. I've been a bad turn sender

Leif.
Mar 27, 2005

Son of the Defender
Formerly Diplomaticus/SWATJester


Yeah, apparently some of mine are bad too

ZearothK
Aug 25, 2008

The only mystery left,
is what I put in your tea.


Fall Sick and Die posted:

Pass this along to other dudes and also to all of the girls playing this game. Try to reduce the complexity of our turns, try to give the GMs help and follow these guidelines for their sanity and to keep them from burning out.

My bad, it's my first country sim and I'm still learning the ropes like the goofus I am. Thanks for that FSAD, I'll do my best to stop sending them an essay every four days.

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