Search Amazon.com:
«24 »
  • Post
  • Reply
A RICH WHITE MAN
Jul 30, 2010

See them other chickenheads? They don't never leave the coop.


1395x1860

Général Joseph Marie Servan de Gerbey, Minister of War, Marechal of France, Commander of l’Armée du Centre, Patriot

This is a farce, and an abortion of justice. The counter-revolutionary forces move against us once again; first, the Bretons and Rochambeau. Then, Lafayette. Now, Donatien Alphonse François, Marquis de Sade--a man who claims to be a Citizen, perhaps in the same way Louis-Philippe was?--comes to the spotlight, seeking to overthrow our great Republic, and to establish in its place a blasted hellscape of Bacchic orgies and vice. As Minister of War and Marechal of France, I declare the Marquis de Sade's appointment to the Army of the Pyrenees over that of Charles François Dumouriez, a loyal general and servant to the republic, to be undone. I expect the loyal men on the Spanish border will see this man for what he is, and will turn their backs on his treachery. I will not even address the issue of this catamite taking control of the Army of the Center; such an idea is, simply, laughable.

Stalin-Chan
Feb 11, 2009

Yeah, the guy wearing the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. Come on.

A RICH WHITE MAN posted:

1395x1860

Général Joseph Marie Servan de Gerbey, Minister of War, Marechal of France, Commander of l’Armée du Centre, Patriot

This is a farce, and an abortion of justice. The counter-revolutionary forces move against us once again; first, the Bretons and Rochambeau. Then, Lafayette. Now, Citizen Sade comes to the spotlight, seeking to overthrow our great Republic, and to establish in its place a blasted hellscape of Bacchic orgies and vice. As Minister of War and Marechal of France, I declare Citizen Sade's appointment to the Army of the Pyrenees over that of Charles François Dumouriez, a loyal general and servant to the republic, to be undone. I expect the loyal men on the Spanish border will see this man for what he is, and will turn their backs on his treachery. I will not even address the issue of this catamite taking control of the Army of the Center; such an idea is, simply, laughable.


Joachim Murat, Minister of the Marine, Admiral of the French Navy.

I believe an investigation will clear up any and all doubts. If Joseph Fouche can clear his name of these alleged crimes then I will follow him as the rightful President of France.

Fall Sick and Die
Nov 22, 2003




President de Sade

I hereby recognize and confirm Monsieur Robespierre and Admiral Murat, and General Ney's appointment of Marechal of France is a fine thing. As a Libertine, I will allow a great deal of freedom to the nation's cabinet and military leaders to affect the ideas they think best suited to solving France's problems. Marshal Ney, Austria's armies are on the move, raising Italy to their flag, no matter what occurs here in France, it's up to you to stop them at the gates. But remember, it is the Kings of Italy who are our enemies, not the common people. I urge you to establish a true Italian republic, representing all Italian people, and urge them to begin arming themselves and resisting the resumption of monarchical dictatorship being foisted upon them by the so-called Holy Roman Empire.

Admiral Murat, it is up to you to end the blockade that is strangling France! Formulate your plan and by Odin's raven, I shall see that your plan shall be carried out.

Monsieur Robespierre, you have the most difficult task of all. The legislature must take up the cause of liberty. Should the accusations against M. Fouche not be investigated, whether you agree with my accusation or not? Surely this is a matter for the Minister of Justice, who has survived several administrations, and could be considered neutral? Let us have an investigation, I shall not raise a weapon against any Frenchman until it is complete, composed entirely of a few persons loyal to Minister Duport-Dutertre, who he knows and trusts intimately to tell him the truth. If it is found that my votes were not thrown away, then I shall step down as President and succumb to whatever punishment that the government deems suitable, but if the preponderance of evidence suggests that voter fraud was committed which stripped me of the Presidency, then let M. Fouche be the one to step down.

I will not fight him, nor the crippled Gerbey, nor the Armee du Centre who I have grown to know and love so well during my time with them. Let us submit to justice, let us not collapse into civil war while surrounded by enemies! If the first shot be fired, let France know that it was not I who fired it, but the Breton slime who has slithered into this position through lies and deceit.

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.




I wish nothing more than for justice to be done. The Committee of Public Safety stands ready to assist the Minister of Justice in his investigations in whatever way they can.

Stalingrad
Feb 5, 2011



248x260


I hope this matter is resolved amicably, and whoever is the legitimate president will still accept the terms of Picardies reintroduction into France proper.

ZearothK
Aug 25, 2008

The only mystery left,
is what I put in your tea.




I appreciate the vote of confidence in my administration of the Ministry of Justice and I will gladly pursue this matter with all the resources at my disposal. In fact, I'd like to propose to the assembly the Bureau of Elective Investigations Act, which will assign additional funds to the police for the coming season and for all future election seasons, so that these transgressions against democracy may be better investigated and prevented both in the present and the future. Also, reward and protection will be offered to any citizen willing to offer evidence or information concerning election fraud and harassment, with the caveat that wasting the Bureau's time with falsehoods will lead to a fine for wasting public resources and imprisonment if this was done in ill-intent, such as to frame a political rival.

This act would be complementary of the Just Elections Act of last season.

Thank you for your attention,
Marguerite-Louis-François Duport-Dutertre
Ministre de la Justice
Tiger-King of the Great Underground Empire

A RICH WHITE MAN
Jul 30, 2010

See them other chickenheads? They don't never leave the coop.


1395x1860

Général Joseph Marie Servan de Gerbey, Minister of War, Marechal of France, Commander of l’Armée du Centre, Patriot

Ramba Ral
Feb 18, 2009

"The basis of the Juche Idea is that man is the master of all things and the decisive factor in everything."
- Kim Il-Sung




quote:

Farewell to Tuffin

Sehr geehrter Tuffin,

I want to pass on my condolences for the recent events with Cadoudal disappearance. I will say that you should keep in mind the actions he done be meditated upon and continued since it showed the humanity that our side fights for unlike the mass graves that give testimony for the Republicans.

Nonetheless, the situation here and in France has required me to take a step back and reconsider the actions I have done recently. My king was displeased on the suggestions I had sent earlier. I feel that I need to redeem myself in the eyes of my King and that is what prompts me to have to leave my position as the Prussian ambassador here. I will find like minded people that will aid me in my new endeavor that are only concerned to aid our king. For your concern, the embassy shall stay open. I may return once the situation settles down in Berlin, but it will depend on what my gracious king deems me worthy to return here.

If I happen to not see you soon, Happy Independence Day. I hope the new present crisis in Paris will allow a brief respite for your people.

Mit freundlichen Empfehlungen,
Friedrich-Wilhelm von Franco

Viral Warfare
Aug 4, 2010

~~a n d I a m c a l m~~

Let's nip this one in the bud right now: please don't post chatlogs in the thread. If you want to claim someone has said something, you need to do just that - claim someone has said something. Thanks!

tatankatonk
Nov 4, 2011

Pitching is the art of instilling fear.




<CVortex> so in this chatlog I hereby appoint you President, King, and Emperor of France
<tatankatonk> wow thanks
<CVortex> because you're the smartest, and the coolest
<tatankatonk> that sounds about right
<CVortex> also the handsomest...
<tatankatonk> Cvortex no! we've talked about this
<CVortex> I must have you!
<tatankatonk> Our love can never be, Cvortex! I am a simple admiral, and you are a GM...it can't be...

WhitemageofDOOM
Sep 13, 2010

... It's magic. I ain't gotta explain shit.

411x478


President Joseph Fouche


Note by president joseph fouche posted:

Welp i'm a fucking idiot. I thought i could trust people, though i could work with them, thought i could use reason.
No, there is only eternal sleep now.

As my last official act i recognize my homeland of Brittany as independent and renounce all claims France has to it, you shall need all the help you can de sade is coming, and it is all my fault, forgive me, it is all i can do.

For the people of france, fight him with everything you have he is a monster, he cheated in the election, and he will enslave you.

Fouche kills himself, i'm out.

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.


WhitemageofDOOM posted:

411x478


President Joseph Fouche

As my last official act i recognize my homeland of Brittany as independent and renounce all claims France has to it, you shall need all the help you can de sade is coming, and it is all my fault, forgive me, it is all i can do.

Fouche kills himself, i'm out.

As Minister of the Interior and qualified medical doctor, I declare that the President has clearly gone insane. Any and all decrees thereof are null and void.

Gorgo Primus
Mar 29, 2009

We shall forge the most progressive republic ever known to man!



Duke Charles Armand Tuffin, marquis de la Rouerie
Duke of the Kingdom of Breizh/Brittany under Queen Mari Tereza I Charleza ar Vourboned

"Open Musings of An Open Mind: On Recent Events posted:

Oh, who could have foreseen what would happen if Sade was given an army? Oh right, everyone. Let the world also note that for the 20th time in a row Robespierre has backed Sade fully. Perhaps their next big reveal will be that of their not so secret queer love affair...

As for this talk of voter fraud it is clear that the entire system of voting in France could be said to be the real fraud. They asked the uneducated rabble who it was that they thought should rule them - some voting for a fictional character - and then when a sliver of the population sent in their 'choice' amongst widespread duplicity the end result was the same as every democratic election in the history of the Republican world - coups and disintegration. So went the USA, so seems to edge France.

The one bit of cheery news is that prior to dramatically killing himself President Fouche attempted to do what his damnable state should have done over a year ago - and to the same results as availed all his actions it seems... ineptitude and disaster.

Well, we shall take your recognition of Independence, Fouche, but the misdeeds you dealt the Breton people in setting to further power Sade and Robespierre shall forever mar our opinions of you and your confused 'loyalties'. The world now knows once more the fate that awaits any Breton who thinks he can survive in France for long - even if he denies everything about himself; death and disappointment amongst declarations of one's 'inferior' Breton-ness.


Signed,
Duke Charles Armand Tuffin of the Kingdom of Brittany, under Queen Mari Tereza I

WhitemageofDOOM
Sep 13, 2010

... It's magic. I ain't gotta explain shit.

411x478


President Joseph Fouche

Gorgo Primus posted:


Duke Charles Armand Tuffin, marquis de la Rouerie
Duke of the Kingdom of Breizh/Brittany under Queen Mari Tereza I Charleza ar Vourboned

Actions for the turn

1) Haunt tuffin
2) Haunt tuffin
3) Haunt tuffin
4) Haunt tuffin
5) Haunt tuffin
6) Haunt tuffin

Stalingrad
Feb 5, 2011



248x260


I have always had reserved, but amicable dealings with De Sade, I welcome him as President, and am looking forward to working with him, Fouche may have been a demon, but his plan for the reincorporation of Picardie was sound, De Sade, in the interests of lasting peace, please accept that dogs one sensible proposal.

Hutter
Feb 16, 2011

It's been giving me nightmares.


200x273

Gustaf af Wetterstedt Swedish Ambassador

My friends. The great experiment in America failed. It failed thanks to it not being refined and thought out well enough. A new experiment is taking place here in France, one that is facing opposition from every turn, and facing great problems as well.

The debate of the necessity and validity of this experiment is abound, but as my dear friend Eminent Professor Hector would say, a experiment must be taken in honest faith and you must closely study not just the results of it, but the way to said results.

I thus arranged for a investigation of the great experiment, being the lover of Science and Humanitarian ideals that I am, and found out some distressing facts of vote rigging, in the favour of Marquis de Sade!

Further investigations are pending, and I don't wish to implicate the Marquis of being guilty quite yet, but I have clear evidence of that Marquis de Sade vote been greatly conflated.

I applaud your own decision for a internal commission to oversee your elections, it is a shame that a foreign dignitary would have to uncover such corruption. I will turn over the results of my investigation the French people and government immediately.

WhitemageofDOOM
Sep 13, 2010

... It's magic. I ain't gotta explain shit.

411x478


President Joseph Fouche

President fouche final letter to de gerbey posted:

I am sorry, everything is my fault, i should have listened to you.
You are a true ally and a true republican, and i have failed you. I have done the only thing i can do now.
I give everything to you now, i entrust hope to you now, This position is rightfully yours i should never have run,i am a bureaucrat not a leader. Save the republic, do not let liberty die to the monster i have created in my foolish pride.

The revolutionary guard will follow you, saint just and the legislature will confirm my nomination for you as my successor.

Forgive me my sentimentality in Brittany, send my wife home if you can. I pray she remarries well. The rest, forgive me nothing for i have earned it.

Stalingrad
Feb 5, 2011




248x260

I call for all radicals, enrages, jacobins etc to form a Unity government, while this crisis is occurring.

It is perhaps, in my humble opinion, sensible for a constitutional change in the future, perhaps these allegations of voting fraud are due to the powers the president is afforded.

JosefStalinator
Oct 9, 2007

Come Tbilisi if you want to live.


Grimey Drawer

General Jeane Bernadotte, Armee du Rhin.



While these recent political changes are saddening and disturbing, I care more about the outward integrity of the French nation. As if the Breton disaster was not insult enough, I hope whoever is president will not allow our nation to suffer further humiliation in the form of conquest by Austria. My army of the Rhine stands poised to move, in concert with the armee du centre, to meet this threat. However, my armies alone will not be sufficient, and I worry that these recent politically motivated changes in leadership will necessitate, for personal reasons, the use of these armies for purposes other than the defense of the republic.

As such, I call on all citizens of France to ensure an orderly transition to a post-Fouche administration, and urge all parties to support my strategic plan for the destruction of the invading Austrian army. Alone I cannot be assured of victory, and require the support of my fellows to rid ourselves of this foreign threat. Do not allow our internal dissent to result in the loss of yet another integral part of our great nation!

Stalingrad
Feb 5, 2011



279x407


Roux has had a new portrait made, with his adorable dog georges, the Picard weather has done him well the past months, and he is more physically fit than ever before!

THE LESBIATHAN
Jan 22, 2011

The name Daria was already taken.


Louis Cahnon, Freelance Detective and General Fancy Man About ParisNantes

This Breton weather did not agree with Louis Cahnon, the world's only freelance detective and general fancy man about Nantes. But it was damn better than the weather in Paris, if the Breton newspapers were right; certainly the worst a man could catch in Nantes was a head cold, while in Paris he was liable lose his head, if he was not careful.

But, still, Louis had fond memories of Paris- more specifically of his office. Oh, how he missed his office; never had there been a more fancy or elegant office in all of history. It had, had everything: a desk, two draws full of whiskey, another draw full of more whiskey, and a hat stand for his various fancy hats. Louis winced at the thought of his hats, his heart full of despair; those radical hooligans had probably dented one of his hats while they had been running around the city doing as they pleased.

Still, Nantes wasn't too bad; he'd even managed to get a new office, thanks to the money he'd made on his last job. Nasty business that, some fellow who went by the name the Demonologist. Had a thing for sulfur and also imps, and seemed hellbent on combining the two. Last Louis had heard, he was dead, which just went to show that God was indeed vengeful.

Louis carefully nailed the last sign he had to the door of the building, exhaling in satisfaction. He hadn't forgotten what had brought him to Brittany, no he hadn't. He still had a job to do. He walked away whistling one of those fancy Breton battle songs.


Translation: MISSING. A cat of much worth. Answers to Fifi. Please contact Louis Cahnon with information, fancy man about Nantes.

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010


Saint-Just



Citizens of France, I urge calm. Are things unsettled now? Indeed, they are unsettled. Does this mean we have no government? Does this mean the Revolution is dead? It does not! The National Assembly still sits and the Revolution lives! We will persevere. Are these the first difficulties we have faced? You know they are not! Are we to emulate the Americans, and fall apart at the slightest sign of trouble? We are men made of sterner stuff than this! The danger is real. This is true. Enemy armies are on the march, meaning to destroy us. In Brittany, a criminal gang of nobles seek to defy us. Haiti is in revolt against us. In Picardy, our laws are defied by those who would upturn civilization. In Gaulle, Napoleon and Brissot flirt with independence. And in Paris, our newly elected president lost his reason and committed self murder when DeSade made accusations against him.

We recognize all this. We recognize that we are faced with a sea of troubles, and indeed, the temptation is to despair. But we must not despair, citizens of France. We must never doubt the rightness of our cause. The strength of France lies not in the leaders of France, or the guns of France. The strength of France lies in you, its people. And so long as the people of France do not lose their will and desire for freedom, France will prevail. The Republic can only die if we let it die! It can not be defeated by outside forces! We will gain the victory if we try for it, for it is the natural right of man to be free, and to escape the shackles of tyranny. The oppressors and tyrants know they can not oppress forever. The Bretons, the Austrians, the British, they know their days are numbered. They know that someday the people will have enough of their tyranny, and will demand from them the basic rights of man that Reason gives us. The right to live or die by our own warrant; not the whim of a tyrant. The right of liberty, to live as we wish and decide as we wish, so long as we do not harm others; and the right to own land and property of our own, to, through our industry, better ourselves and enjoy the fruits of our work.

These are our rights, and what's more, they're not the rights of Frenchmen alone, but rights granted to the whole world. The Austrians say we're rabble rousers, demagogues, who would overthrow the entire order and bring about anarchy, but I say, we're merely seeking to return to an older order, before kings were raised up to rule over us. The Bretons would say that we're tyrants, seeking to destroy them, their culture and their faith. But really, we just seek to free them. I will not deny that, under the old government, inappropriate tariffs were passed against Brittany. They were removed, though, and we shall not to something so foolish again. The Bretons must know; the Breton people must know, that we will respect their rights; that they shall have the same liberties as all of France. That they shall be able to worship as they please, and live as they please.

It is however clear from recent events that our constitution is flawed. Therefore, I am calling for a Constitutional Convention, to study the old Constitution, decide what parts work and what do not, and write a new, better Constitution. Meanwhile, while the Convention does its work, I call on the National Assembly to pass an Emergency Decree, setting up a Committee of Five, chosen by the Legislature, which shall have sole and superior Executive Power. It shall have the right to appoint ministers and generals, propose budgets, enter into treaties, and approve or deny legislation passed by the Assembly as a whole.

sniper4625
Sep 26, 2009

It is a foolish man indeed who attacks his fellow man when there are literal crocodile-men eating Virginians.


Epicurius posted:

Saint-Just

237x250

It is however clear from recent events that our constitution is flawed. Therefore, I am calling for a Constitutional Convention, to study the old Constitution, decide what parts work and what do not, and write a new, better Constitution. Meanwhile, while the Convention does its work, I call on the National Assembly to pass an Emergency Decree, setting up a Committee of Five, chosen by the Legislature, which shall have sole and superior Executive Power. It shall have the right to appoint ministers and generals, propose budgets, enter into treaties, and approve or deny legislation passed by the Assembly as a whole.


Robespierre

An excellent proposal! The old constitution is fatally flawed, and is indeed one of my great regrets of life. Let us wash it away in a wave of inspiration! I enthusiastically support this proposal!

ZearothK
Aug 25, 2008

The only mystery left,
is what I put in your tea.


Epicurius posted:

Saint-Just

It is however clear from recent events that our constitution is flawed. Therefore, I am calling for a Constitutional Convention, to study the old Constitution, decide what parts work and what do not, and write a new, better Constitution. Meanwhile, while the Convention does its work, I call on the National Assembly to pass an Emergency Decree, setting up a Committee of Five, chosen by the Legislature, which shall have sole and superior Executive Power. It shall have the right to appoint ministers and generals, propose budgets, enter into treaties, and approve or deny legislation passed by the Assembly as a whole.



I heartily agree with this proposal. Mistakes have been made, and there is nothing more human than to learn from them and continue. I say more, the Committee should include members of each of the five largest political parties of France, so that no voice may go unheard in its chambers, even the Bretons are welcome into such assembly if they will acknowledge their part in our family. One is the greatest number, and an unified France can do miracles for humanity. Let the tempers calm, let us think and converse as brothers, let us build the future.

Your comrade-in-arms,
Marguerite-Louis-François Duport-Dutertre
Ministre de la Justice
Tiger-King of the Great Underground Empire

Gorgo Primus
Mar 29, 2009

We shall forge the most progressive republic ever known to man!



Duke Charles Armand Tuffin, marquis de la Rouerie
Duke of the Kingdom of Breizh/Brittany under Queen Mari Tereza I Charleza ar Vourboned

Yet Another Speech to the Breton Nation posted:

Another day in France, another coup attempt, another Constitution. Republicanism is instability incarnate.

And hypocrisy too! The French Republicans proclaim that their illustrious Republic which has produced such terrible wonders as De Sade the Daemon and Lafayette the Butcher, has proclaimed that their 'righteous' cause of invading Brittany and liberating us from ourselves - giving us the freedom to choose the government of our choice so long as that choice is annexation by France under a Republican framework and the extermination of our people; a cause which they laughingly say is tantamount to granting us the same wonderful rights they now fight to deny us, and which we already hold firm. They say they shall respect said rights, which they have consistently denied us, and now fight to deny us - will in fact deny us.

When Saint-Just (a most pretentious name to the last!) tells you these lies, simply look to the record of him and his radical countrymen. Look to the Catholic Church robbed and looted by their government! Look to their Monarchists, persecuted and murdered in cold blood by the thousands! Look to the history of our relations with them and the oppression of our culture and language - the denial that we even exist as a unique and distinct people! Look to the repeated ravings of de Sade - their would be president - and his repeated attempts to destroy us and exterminate us to the last man! Look to Lafayette, who they sent here to carry out that extermination and who was then ousted from power and prestige in France only because he failed to do so successfully! Look to the French attempts to coup their own government - driving their ridiculous President to suicide - because the man dared to come from Breton stock and order de Sade not to harm us in the immediate future!

No! We call them tyrants because they are tyrants; and we refuse to submit to extermination and oppression at theirs hands under their ever unstable dictatorship of whomever the masses hate the least at any given moment - or failing that, whomever has the larger autonomous army which owes them personal loyalty.

No! We shall not fall for this tyrant's lies! We shall resist to the last, and we shall show them that our days are not numbered - they are but only beginning, and are as numerous and uncountable as the stars in the clear night sky.

No! We shall not allow them to 'free' us from our beloved Monarchy, which we choose and fought for, to deliver us unto death and destruction in the name of their ever fleeting 'Reason' which dictates that the wishes of a few ungodly strongmen are superior to the wishes of God and foreign Nation alike.

No... for they have proven the utter worthlessness of their words, and the terrible horrors of their misdeeds.

SexyBlindfold
Apr 24, 2008
i dont care how much probation i get capital letters are for squares hehe im so laid back an nice please read my low effort shitposts about the arab spring

thanxs!!!




THE BATSHIT FUCKING ANGER OF FATHER DUCHESNE

By God, what a right fucking mess everything has become right now. Proves what happens when you place a nation in the hands of inept manchildren. It's been two years since the Revolution gave its first kick and lo and behold! The men and women of France still starve on the streets, the French Army is still a fucking joke, the reactionaries and traitors are still very much alive and kicking (bar one or two laudable efforts at cleansing the nation of the very worst of these scum), and hey, THERE'S STILL SOME FAT FUCK CALLING HIMSELF OUR KING.

Your dear father Duchesne has but one suggestion to fix this shitpail of a country: HEY JACOBINS, NOBODY GIVES A RAT'S ASS ABOUT WHATEVER RETARDED DIFFERENCES YOU CLAIM TO HAVE AMONG YOU. YOU ARE ALL THE SAME, STOP ROLLING ARMIES OVER IT YOU STUPID FUCKS.

Whatever sorry ass excuse for a Republic that has somehow managed to survive the stupidity of Lafayette, the incompetence of Robespierre and the sudden bout of melancholy of Fouche, now stands threatened on multiple fronts. Could it be too much to ask to whatever prissypants who's currently in charge (and those who aren't, as well) to focus on killing reactionaries and fighting starvation instead of engaging in yet another hissyfit over whatever stupid reason you think justifies yet another siege of Paris?

Fuck it. Let's take our minds off this indescribable mess by returning yet again to Le Père Duchesne's "Las Pages Drolés":




"And if that rabble in Paris doesn't get its act together, I'll be making the whole of France pick up the bill"

Stalin-Chan
Feb 11, 2009

Yeah, the guy wearing the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. Come on.

SexyBlindfold posted:

325x338


THE BATSHIT FUCKING ANGER OF FATHER DUCHESNE

By God, what a right fucking mess everything has become right now. Proves what happens when you place a nation in the hands of inept manchildren. It's been two years since the Revolution gave its first kick and lo and behold! The men and women of France still starve on the streets, the French Army is still a fucking joke, the reactionaries and traitors are still very much alive and kicking (bar one or two laudable efforts at cleansing the nation of the very worst of these scum), and hey, THERE'S STILL SOME FAT FUCK CALLING HIMSELF OUR KING.

Your dear father Duchesne has but one suggestion to fix this shitpail of a country: HEY JACOBINS, NOBODY GIVES A RAT'S ASS ABOUT WHATEVER RETARDED DIFFERENCES YOU CLAIM TO HAVE AMONG YOU. YOU ARE ALL THE SAME, STOP ROLLING ARMIES OVER IT YOU STUPID FUCKS.

Whatever sorry ass excuse for a Republic that has somehow managed to survive the stupidity of Lafayette, the incompetence of Robespierre and the sudden bout of melancholy of Fouche, now stands threatened on multiple fronts. Could it be too much to ask to whatever prissypants who's currently in charge (and those who aren't, as well) to focus on killing reactionaries and fighting starvation instead of engaging in yet another hissyfit over whatever stupid reason you think justifies yet another siege of Paris?

Fuck it. Let's take our minds off this indescribable mess by returning yet again to Le Père Duchesne's "Las Pages Drolés":


580x580


"And if that rabble in Paris doesn't get its act together, I'll be making the whole of France pick up the bill"


Joachim Murat, Minister of the Marine, Admiral of the French Navy.

Hear! Hear! I urge all in France to follow the example of this man; victory means laying aside our differences in the spirit of cooperation to end the Breton rebellion and to end the chaos in Paris. Jacobins unite!

Many may disagree with President De Sade on many fronts, however we must lay aside these concerns if he is truly the legitimate President of France. We must work together in these trying times and not against each other.

The Justice Ministers investigation once and for all shall clear up who the true President is and I shall follow him, will you?

Maximo Roboto
Feb 4, 2012

A slow smile spread over John's face. He turned to me and said the five most horrifying words he knows.

'Dave, I have a plan.'



Olympe de Gouges

Gentlemen of France, thanks to the intrepid investigations of a certain master detective, the Sons and Daughters of Justice have discovered that the infernal demonologist Berbiguier was responsible for the dastardly poisoning of the grain to the poor and hungry of the Cour des Miracles. This injustice will not stand! Which, thankfully, is why some vigilant citizens have confronted him for his crimes. The Society of the Friends of the Truth, as an arm of Justice, proclaims that we have nothing to hide and are ready and willing to aid all who are downtrodden. We petition the provisional/emergency/current government to allow us to once again help the poor of Paris.

We also ask of you to please allow the Humanitarian Society of Eir to operate in France, whereupon groups such as the Sororitas Caritas may be able to work with them to aid the sick and wounded of our country during this lamentable war.

Stalin-Chan
Feb 11, 2009

Yeah, the guy wearing the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. Come on.


Joachim Murat, Minister of the Marine, Admiral of the French Navy.

I'm going to stay neutral on the subject of the Emergency Decree I'll respect whatever decision the assembly makes.

I would like to add that I will pledge to loyally continue my duties as Minister of the Marine for whomever the assembly decides is the rightful ruler of France (or rulers), assuming of course that they would graciously grant the position to me.

Stalingrad
Feb 5, 2011



Maximo Roboto posted:

300x312


Olympe de Gouges

Gentlemen of France, thanks to the intrepid investigations of a certain master detective, the Sons and Daughters of Justice have discovered that the infernal demonologist Berbiguier was responsible for the dastardly poisoning of the grain to the poor and hungry of the Cour des Miracles. This injustice will not stand! Which, thankfully, is why some vigilant citizens have confronted him for his crimes. The Society of the Friends of the Truth, as an arm of Justice, proclaims that we have nothing to hide and are ready and willing to aid all who are downtrodden. We petition the provisional/emergency/current government to allow us to once again help the poor of Paris.

We also ask of you to please allow the Humanitarian Society of Eir to operate in France, whereupon groups such as the Sororitas Caritas may be able to work with them to aid the sick and wounded of our country during this lamentable war.

279x407


Old Enemy, I am already helping the poor of Paris as we speak, send people to the Tuileries Palace, they will get food.

Ramba Ral
Feb 18, 2009

"The basis of the Juche Idea is that man is the master of all things and the decisive factor in everything."
- Kim Il-Sung


191x250


quote:

Von Horst!

Sehr geehrter Kanzler,

I am writing to you to let you know I am returning to Berlin to request and take commission of an army with my Jaegers under my command. I know I had petitioned for their creation and I feel apt that I should be responsible for their success because Our Beloved Monarch Frederick-William II of Prussia has deigned my request worthy. I want for this experiment to succeed and unleash a wave of reformation that will put Prussia in a more powerful position. This is why I am trying to contact several people that are like minded as me patriotically Prussian with the hope of ensuring our army is always to be the top. Britannia rules the waves, but we shall rule the land!

Anyway, I am planning on writing a book, it'll be about my experiences here in France and all the colorful people I've met. I hope it finds a market back home as it should have all stuff that people love: espionage, kin slaying, people grafting metal arms into their stubs, and lots and lots of violence. If it is successful, I'll probably write a continuation since there seems to be more insanity spewing forth from Paris with all the really recent events that I am sure you'll hear by the time this letter arrives or I arrive.


Mit freundlichen Empfehlungen,
Friedrich-Wilhelm von Franco

Stalingrad
Feb 5, 2011



279x407


Friends, Comrades, in the next months I will be writing a plan of agricultural reform and food redistribution, as an Enragés this is a matter close to my heart, I hope you will earnestly look at my proposal.

Any Scientists who wish to help me, please contact me through the usual means.

While they may be our Enemies, I have heard of an agricultural revolution stirring in Great Britain, perhaps we should have our own.

Fall Sick and Die
Nov 22, 2003


President de Sade

As the upcoming legislative session arrives, I wish to make something clear. Though I firmly believe that I am the President, it would seem Saint-Just and the legislature have chosen to dissolve that position with their passing of an emergency law, thus rendering unnecessary any contest for the presidency, and forestalling any warfare on the part of those who might keep me from it. C'est la vie, as a Republican I will not contest this decision, and in fact look forward to the new opportunities it affords. I did not seek the Presidency for myself, but rather to prevent it from passing into the hands of false radicals or worse.

A new constitution for which there has as yet been no debate whatsoever, however. Who is writing the new constitution? Who is debating it? Who will be placed on this committee of five? By what methods will they be chosen? In a Republican government, the manner of the government must be overseen by the people themselves. One could not elect legislators and then allow the legislators to simply vote themselves to be a new nobility for example. If we are going to have a new constitution, should not there be a new election to the legislature before the constitution itself is voted upon? Let the people themselves know that they will be deciding their future. With the collapse of the Girondins and the Orleanists, due more to fear than anything else, can we truly say we have an accurate representation of the will of the people of our remaining legislators? Republicanism must represent the will of the people, to claim that justification for government and then to claim to know what is best for the people, better in fact than they themselves know, is hardly any different from the manner of monarchs.

I would not have us elect a new monarch, nor a farce of a Republic that is not truly Free and Representative of the people. The monarchy has been ejected from France, and I agree with Saint-Just and Robespierre, in fact I go far beyond them, that the revolution has not proceeded far enough, that we must destroy the Catholic Church, that the Breton people must be ruined, that Austria, Prussia, and the Pope himself must be toppled and dragged through the streets of Paris to spend the rest of their lives licking the feet of every leper and orphan who passes them by.

I must also take this moment to speak out against the appointment of General Gerbey to any higher position than his current generalship. He is the least trusted member of the military by his fellow generals, and to reward that lack of trust, especially in light of his relationship to the late madman Fouche is madness. Will we truly consider granting him control over the military bureaucracy after he was already removed from that position before, not for his radical beliefs but rather for his open grasping for power and constant intrigues? If he is to gain a higher position in our military in the future, let it be a reward for having achieved something of note, such as actually marching his Army of the Pyrenees into Spain, or moving to cut off the Austrians who march now towards Paris, or the Bretons, or the King-claimant who marches through Bordeaux, or any other number of France's enemies rather than camping outside of Paris.

Let him consider it an order from his President.

Maximo Roboto
Feb 4, 2012

A slow smile spread over John's face. He turned to me and said the five most horrifying words he knows.

'Dave, I have a plan.'

Olympe de Gouges

Stalingrad posted:

Old Enemy, I am already helping the poor of Paris as we speak, send people to the Tuileries Palace, they will get food.

Very well, I direct the Daughters of Justice to work with the Enrages at the Tuileries Palace to distribute food to the Parisian poor.

Enjoy
Apr 18, 2009


To Louis Cahnon, Freelance Detective

Dear Sir,

It was with great satisfaction I read about your recent exploits in Paris, viz. the apprehension of the most heinous criminal Berbiguier, whom I had the misfortune of meeting and placing my trust in during my time as Oberst to the King's Guard. After your string of renowned accomplishments it is with great delight that I extend an invitation to you to accompany me in inspections of the troops presently under my command, whom I am drilling in the arts of war. Although a little "rough around the edges", I maintain that this force of "Cambions" are a most patriotic batch of Frenchmen, interested in only the success of this Republican experiment we are engaged in (and which I have recently begun to see the superiority of).

I await your favourable reply.

Yours sincerely,
Big Chief Running Bear
Commander in chief of the Whodathunkit Tribe, previously of Texas

Stalingrad
Feb 5, 2011



279x407


Legislature, hear me, I have a plan for agricultural reform, I believe it will make our food shortages slowly disappear!

1. We will begin using a four field crop rotation system, the system works, thusly, four fields are growing, wheat, barley, turnips and clover respectively, the next year the clover field will grow wheat, the wheat field barley, etc etc, in a cycle.

The reasons for this are three fold:

Turnips can be used as a crop for animals, if we grow turnips, we will have meat all year round!

Clover through some as yet unknown system, restores the soil, currently we leave soil fallow (without crops) for a whole year before reusing it in areas where crop rotation is not used, monstrous!, the work of men in Britain and Flanders shows us this does not need to be the case, we can have a huge reduction in fallow fields, and thus a large increase in food production!

While meat all year round is excellent, it also means we get manure all year round, this will also stop us leaving our fields fallow!

This is but the first step

We need better Land Enclosure, and Land reform, I call on a reorganization of farms, the enclosure of these farms with hedgerows and fences, and the continued seizure of previous church lands for the use of farming!
Open field farming is a relic of the past, from a bourgeois perspective, enclosed farming will allow the farm owners more control over their crop, from an Enragés it allows the collective workers more control over their crop, either way, it is a relic of monarchy and nobility, open farming must end!

These 2 small changes will have large effects, so I put to you legislature:

Land Reform
Land Seizure
Crop Rotation!

I deem this the Agricultural revolution act

Incy
May 30, 2006
for other Out

Duke Gower

I am confused as to why the party of the rural peasants is arguing for land enclosure. It is true, after practising it the production of my estates has increased, but the peasants themselves seemed to dislike it. Many of them did not take up fishing as instructed, and were most displeased that they were unable to farm the lands they had previously.

Of course the ones that haven't moved on now have starved to death, along with their families. Such is the price of progress.

Stalingrad
Feb 5, 2011



Incy posted:

Duke Gower

I am confused as to why the party of the rural peasants is arguing for land enclosure. It is true, after practising it the production of my estates has increased, but the peasants themselves seemed to dislike it. Many of them did not take up fishing as instructed, and were most displeased that they were unable to farm the lands they had previously.

Of course the ones that haven't moved on now have starved to death, along with their families. Such is the price of progress.

1. The Enragés have always been a party of progress, and a party of the Sans-Culottes, not a party of specifically rural peasants.

2. Land Seizure will increase the land available for farming

3. In Picardie which is autonomous, where the Enragés have control, Land Enclosure will not be used to give land to any one man, to control and use for his own profit, workers collectives will control the enclosed lands in communion with each other.

This is to increase food production for all French, but there are ways for this to be done without detriment to the farmer.

Incy
May 30, 2006
for other Out

Duke Gower

You misunderstand, I am commending you. Those that stand in the way of progress need to be brushed aside.

Fall Sick and Die
Nov 22, 2003


OOC: Turn Preview

  • Post
  • Reply
«24 »
UP
UP